this is the last time

[Linzoy]

This is the last time I make a topic like this.




I don't feel like writing all that paragraph crap so here's a list.

1) My sister is 14 years old.
2) She has austism.
3) We used to have stupid fights as kids. Then she grew out of physcial attacks for a few years. A few years ago, she started hitting me again. She has been getting worse since then. Today in the car she attacked me about a dozen times, even after I slapped her back. I don't recall her ever attacking after I attack her back, and it worries me.
4) For the record, I don't usually hit her at all, but we where in the car and she wouldn't stop hitting me. I do scream at her sometimes and do stupid things like eat tissues in front of her to gross her out.
5) To quote my mom, "Hilary originally started hitting to get your attention and to make you care about her." She said that after I complained that hilary wouldn't get away with attacking me if she didn't have a language impediment, which IN MY OPINION isn't so much of a mental disorder as it is a lack of intrest. My sister isn't intrested in talking to other kids and she doesn't care about school. The few things she does care about she is extremely good at. She's an excellent artist and she can master most video games more quickly than I can.
6) Me, my sister, and my mom met with one of those doctor people a few days ago about this issue and the only thing we could agree on is that instead of the word "stupid" we should use the word "inappropiate." I complied nicely at the time, but what I'm really thinking is SINCE WHEN IS THAT THE FUCKING ISSUE?!?!! I hate most doctors and counsolers and physical therapists. When I was a kid I was very clumsy and lazy, but the doctors thought I had something called sensory integration. so I had to get all this dumbass therapy. They told me I would never be able to point my toes, not in my entire life. Well you know what, I can point my toes VERY WELL!!! I do not have sensory integration. I a lazy lazy kid because my parents would let me watch tv all day, I didn't feel like pointing my toes. It has nothing to do with some kind of disorder.
7) My mom thinks drugs are evil, and she doesn't want to take my sister to anger management class. I can't even convince her that she has an anger management problem. She isn't stupid, she just refuses to believe her youngest daughter can do anything with bad intentions. Most parents are like that. My parents signed my sister up for the big sister program, which is not only an insult to me personally but it won't help. My sister has some real anger issues, taking her out of the house more often won't help. I really want to call the police or something, that would force my parents to sort this problem out somehow. But then it might cost more money than it should and the media might get involved. So what do you think, should I call anybody... or what? I've given up on the running away idea, but this situation can't go on like this.

Just now my mom came in here and told me the situation wasn't hilary's fault because she was dizzy, because her jacket wasn't warm enough. I WAS DIZZY TWO. WE WERE SKIING ALL DAY. SKIING MAKES YOU DIZZY. YOU GO BACK AND FORTH DOWNHILL FOR HOURS.

She just won't accept that my sister has a problem. It's always the tv, sonic the hedgehog, fruit roll ups, squee, the jacket, too much nail polish fumes. My mom really pisses me off sometimes.

Sorry for all the whining. I really need advice.

[Lord Koopa]

Don't look for advice on a Zim forum.

[Linzoy]

Too late.

[Lord Koopa]

Too late for what? You asked for advice, and I gave you some.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Hey. Be nice.



Linz: find someone your mother respects/looks up to, and have them act as a mouthpeice for you. Like in that episode of Family Guy with Peter and the Pope and his dad. only that didn't really work out so well.


..or did it?

[Linzoy]

Too late for what? You asked for advice, and I gave you some.Too late for me to follow your advice. I'm already asking for advice on this forum.

Davey that's actually a really good idea. My mom worships her teacher steve. I don't know exactly what I want steve to say to her though or if he's going to cooperate with me.

[Lord Koopa]

Hey. Be nice.

I'm only trying to help Linzoy by saying that forums for cartoon fan websites aren't the best place for advice.

Too late for me to follow your advice. I'm already asking for advice on this forum.

Well, keep it in mind the next time you need advice.

[Linzoy]

I'm a girl. And I don't consider this a bad place for advice, a lot of people here can come up with good ideas.

[Lord Koopa]

As long as this isn't your first resource for advice.

[Linzoy]

What SHOULD my first resource be?

[Lord Koopa]

You know what, forget what I said.

[Linzoy]

I win.

[Falsafah]

Lindsay, I really can't say much about this because I don't know how it feels like to be living with someone who is autistic. But I think Davey's idea is good - maybe you could write a letter to Steve? That is, if you can't think of anything to say to him...put it on paper...

Good luck and take care, sis.

[MST3Kakalina]

dammit Koopa, you are seriously pissing me right the hell off at the moment, profuse bleeding from my vagina or not. one more one-line, useless post out of you and i'll fucking kick your teeth in.

how severe is your sister's autism? from what you tell us, she falls at least a little outside the scope of "high functioning."

i don't know what you can do, honestly. if your mother refuses to take her to see an anger management person, or any kind of real help, then there's nothing you really CAN do. i hate to whore out my boyfriend, and there's probably very little he'll have to say to help (everyone is different after all), but i can prod him about the subject the next time i talk to him.

how much have you read up on autism? if you haven't, perhaps getting more information on the subject might help you deal with it and understand how to successfully interact (i don't know how to phrase that better) with your sister...?

i guess the only thing i have to say is always try to be extremely clear with her. "Stop hitting me. I haven't done anything to you, and you don't hit someone without a reason. If you want my attention, just say my name." and so on. maybe not to that level of talking downness, but it helps to be patient.

[Rory Storm]

Maybe you should take a break from you sister, linzoy. I know that sounds odd, and maybe impossible. But try and ignore it. I know autism is a sensitive subject, and with autism, as I understand it, there are different levels of severity. Now, from what it sounds like, if your sister can ski, it's probably not OVER THE TOP severe. Howevere, in cases that are mild or moderate, signs such as hitting and physical attacks could be an extreme motion of communication. Now there could be some reasons for this communication, think: Were there any reasons for her to feel some sort of animosity towards you? Was there a time when she may have felt jealous? Is she feeling depressed? Overly happy? You have to analyze her actions to be able to come to some sort of conclusion as to what is wrong. From what it sounds like, and I am assuming this, the attacks happened on the way FROM the skiing trip? If that is case, she may not have wanted to leave, and felt as though if she acted out, like a spoiled child, she could get her way. Of course if this is one many times the attacks occur, she could just be looking for something that she may want. Or she could be, with out knowing it, openly expressing internal emotions than anyone would normally keep inside.
As for your mother, linzoy, she could be, and seems to be, in a state of denial. Now maybe what you should do, if you are really worried, is sit down with your mother, alone, and talk and express your concerns. Try not to allow for any sort of rebuttal from your mother until you are done, so that she will take you seriously. It could be a wake up like that to see that maybe she is not doing things correctly, and that maybe changes are needed. Also try and find some sort of support group, and talk to your mother about that. It's not NEEDED but sometimes a support group is helpful.

As for you Lord Koopa, that sort of thing, telling someone that they should not look for some sort of support online is stupid. Granted it is a cartoon show message board, there are people here that may be capable of expressing concern for their peers, unlike yourself I presented a helpful opinon. How do you know that people aren't going through the same thing and know of solutions to a situation like this? You don't. So if you don't have the answer keep your mouth shut.

Oh and linzoy...Don't panic, under any situation, no matter how bad, don't panic. Things can get bad, but when that happens, they will always get better. I know, I have been through a rough academic period recently, and things aren't looking that great. I am on winter break now, but soon I will have to confront the problem again. I don't want to, but I have to. :) .

[Lord Koopa]

As for you Lord Koopa, that sort of thing, telling someone that they should not look for some sort of support online is stupid. Granted it is a cartoon show message board, there are people here that may be capable of expressing concern for their peers, unlike yourself I presented a helpful opinon. How do you know that people aren't going through the same thing and know of solutions to a situation like this? You don't. So if you don't have the answer keep your mouth shut.

I honestly take back what I said. Somewhere in my mind, I must have thought it would be cool to be an elitist asshole.

[MST3Kakalina]

another thought: sometimes it takes a while for parents to get what's going on with their kids. Mecha didn't have the best relationship with his mom for a lot of his childhood, as she was always insisting he was 'normal,' but somewhere along the line she realized/acknowledged/became okay with/etc the fact that her son was autistic and now they're tight.

[Linzoy]

dammit Koopa, you are seriously pissing me right the hell off at the moment, profuse bleeding from my vagina or not. one more one-line, useless post out of you and i'll fucking kick your teeth in.

how severe is your sister's autism? from what you tell us, she falls at least a little outside the scope of "high functioning." She is high functioning. She can do math, she can read, she can talk. I don't think her violence and her hitting have anything to do with each other. There was a period of several years where she wasn't violent at all. It's frustrating that no one takes this problem seriously just because she has autism. If I where the one beating her up something would be done about that.

My sister said she was mad at me because I don't like skirts. She just makes up excuses to be angry at me.

[BeastDad1987]

Oh jesus.

1.) My brother is 13 years old.
2.) He has a form of autism (Asperger), has ADHD, and is high functioning (he has a fairly high IQ).
3.) I don't want to take over the thread with my problems, since it's not my thread. I'll explain a bit of my situation though, because it feels pretty similar. I'll try to help, though Rory did a lot of what I would've liked to say. Pretty much with the denial and whatnot.

It was actually fairly recently that he was diagnosed with Asperger (Assburger?). For my mom, it seemed like the fact that there really was something wrong with him was the solution-- and the start-- of all her problems. When he was diagnosed, she pretty much thought, "oh, thank god. It's not him just not being motivated and me being a bad parent, this is an actual condition". I mean, there was always the ADHD which made him hard to deal with in the first place, but for the last few years, his grades have been plummeting. We recently got a letter saying that he's likely to fail the 8th grade. But her problems started when she actually tried to get help for him; our doctor, who is an autism specialist at UCLA, knows nothing about the school system and how to arrange some special help. He's in special ed as it is, but actually since he joined the class, his grades got worse. Enough about him though, I just wanted to share because I was kinda surprised that our situations are fairly similar. Well, the basis of it anyways, not quite the parent part.

Your mom acknowledges that your sister has autism, right? Then I don't quite understand why some counseling or medicine isn't in the question. If her deficiencies (for lack of a better word) are to the point that she has been classified as an autistic kid, high functioning or not, then she needs help. Again, like Rory said, it seems like that she's in denial, since pretty much no parent would want to go through something like this. At the least, a support group with people who have similar situations would help. My mom has been reading books on ADD/HD, Tourette's syndrome, and autism for a long time, and the enlightenment that she got on her problems really helped. If anything, she knew that there was something that could be done.

I dunno if I helped at all though.

[Demon_Ash]

Your sister's anger problem sounds like my brother.

[Linzoy]

The same thing happened to me, I did much worse when they put me on a speicial ed plan back in 6th grade. I mean it's really just a step backwards.

My mom acknowledges that she has autism, but she won't even consider medication. She's into herbal medication and vegan food and kabalah and stuff. She is always complaining about the atmosphere. She thinks every time hilary does something wrong it has to be someone else's fault. Usually it's the tv's fault. I don't know how to make her look at things rationally. I seriously want to call the police or something.

[Shiv]

I don't know how easy it is to reason with your mother so I'm not sure I can help, but since I'm pretty anti-drugs in a lot of cases I can just give my point of view. The reason I'm normally anti-drugs is because a lot of doctors/therapists tend to rely on them without looking for more permanent solutions. In general, perceptive or personality disorders can be dealt with if the person is intellegent because they can understand themselves, so falling back on drugs at a young age can have a negative effect because the person can become dependent and will never learn to function into maturity without relying on the drugs.

On the other hand, you have to draw a line, and I don't think it's ever okay to use a disorder as an excuse for bad behaviour. Your sister obviously isn't stupid, she probably knows what she can get away with. In terms of dealing with your mother, if you do want to turn to drugs then it's easier to accept drugs if you know exactly what they do. Not just the result, but why this result happens. (For example, the cause of ADD is a depression of the frontal cortex which hinders inhibitions etc. so the drugs excite the frontal cortex, making it easier to reason with the one with ADD).

Also, remember that all drugs are made out of something, herbal drugs just tend to be milder/less refined.

English bad at this time of night. Hope I was some sort of not entirely unhelpful ^_^

[Linzoy]

I really really appriciate all the responses here but no one has told me if I should just call the police or something.

My mom seems reasonable MOST OF THE TIME but there are times when she just doesn't know what she's doing. Last night our whole family was shopping. We where in the car when my sister out of nowhere starting begging my parents to buy a gun so she could shoot me. I took this personally and called her a loser with no friends. That's kind of mean but she's threatened to shoot me many times before and I don't even respond. So anyway my mom threw a book at me, kicked me, and hid my laptop for the rest of the day. She can't see the situation from my point of veiw. In her mind she keeps threatening to kill me because I'm a horrible person who teases her all the time. Worst of all is that my parents refuse to take her seriously because she's autistic. What if she really does stab me or something?

[Rory Storm]

I SUPPOSE if you want an answer to that, maybe you should talk to some sort of child services or something. Not the police. Maybe some sort of pychologist or something. Or better yet, talk to a doctor.

The police would tend to mess things up, like this, more.

I really really appriciate all the responses here but no one has told me if I should just call the police or something.

My mom seems reasonable MOST OF THE TIME but there are times when she just doesn't know what she's doing. Last night our whole family was shopping. We where in the car when my sister out of nowhere starting begging my parents to buy a gun so she could shoot me. I took this personally and called her a loser with no friends. That's kind of mean but she's threatened to shoot me many times before and I don't even respond. So anyway my mom threw a book at me, kicked me, and hid my laptop for the rest of the day. She can't see the situation from my point of veiw. In her mind she keeps threatening to kill me because I'm a horrible person who teases her all the time. Worst of all is that my parents refuse to take her seriously because she's autistic. What if she really does stab me or something?

That IS pretty serious. You should talk to your mom, and tell EXACTLY how you feel about it. Then if she does nothing, tell her you are going to set up some sort of appointment with child services to discuss such matters. Don't threaten it, just IMPLY it. And if your mother doesn't change, arrange that meeting.

EDIT: Maybe you could even talk to your sister. Ask why she wanted to cause the violence, and such. But don't take an angered tone. Maybe even talk to both sides, parents and sister, then bring them both together and discuss the same thing. Like a family meeting.

[Linzoy]

Yeah I keep threatening to call dss. No one takes me seriously because I probably won't do it.

I've talked to my mom. I've told her exactly what I think about the whole thing at the top of my lungs. She's like "I'm so sorry blah blah blah blah" and she talks about the atmosphere of the house and about how everyone needs to be polite and whatever. I don't think she's lying. She is sorry, she's sorry NOW, but I know she's just going to do something like this again in the future. Also she said something about how I always convince her not to punish me when I mock hilary, so she just pents up all her anger until she explodes. That's a fucking stupid thing to say because my sister is a lot worse than I am and she never attacks her. I think my parents think of me as some kind of adult. So if I make fun of my sister they respond the way they would if an adult was doing it, not some dumb teenager. But, in my mom's mind my sister is just a kid, so she can't get angry at her.
Maybe you could even talk to your sister. Ask why she wanted to cause the violence, and such. But don't take an angered tone. Maybe even talk to both sides, parents and sister, then bring them both together and discuss the same thing. Like a family meeting.My sister is very jealous of me because I'm smarter than her. She has always demanded to eat the same food as me, play with the same toys. She even asks me for advice of when to wash her hair. I try to refuse to answer questions like that but apparently that's mean. I don't think it is, she's 14 and it's about time she learns to be self reliant.

We've had plenty of meetings like that and it doesn't work. My sister is seriously disturbed.

[Rory Storm]

I would call child services though. Just show your parents that you are capable of making the decision. But before doing that, talk to your sister first, and ask her why she does the things she does. Then tell her that you don't appreciate having her say that she wants to shoot you. Stuff like that.

EDIT: yeah, if the meetings don't work, call child services. ESPECIALLY if you feel threatened. Just do it to talk to someone and find advice from them. Check out other resources from you area too. That would(should) help...

[deep]

It's won't be too long before you get out of the house right? I know it's hard to deal with ,but if your mothers in denial there may not be much you can do about it. I think your best bet is to wait it out and move out of the house. Sometimes just spending less time there could help. There is always more friction when you live together with someone. If you are no longer there for her to be jealous of she may not feel like she is being compared to you.

[Rory Storm]

It's won't be too long before you get out of the house right? I know it's hard to deal with ,but if your mothers in denial there may not be much you can do about it. I think your best bet is to wait it out and move out of the house. Sometimes just spending less time there could help. There is always more friction when you live together with someone. If you are no longer there for her to be jealous of she may not feel like she is being compared to you.

That's not always an option, though. In order to live on your own you have to have a place to live, a job that pays well enough to support you, and if you are getting out of high school you have to worry about college. There are alot of things needed to be on your own. And you have to be ready.

[Linzoy]

I agree. It doesn't seem right that I'm looking forward to moving out so badly though. I'll be going to college in a couple years.

[deep]

That's not always an option, though. In order to live on your own you have to have a place to live, a job that pays well enough to support you, and if you are getting out of high school you have to worry about college. There are alot of things needed to be on your own. And you have to be ready.
Yeah I know...but it helps to think of that as an option. It helps to plan your future out now. I wish a couple of years ago I would of gave it some thought.

[exemplary citizen]

Dude, your mom <i>threw things at you</i> and <i>kicked</i> you?

I don't care what the hell else is going on, that's <i>abuse</i>. There is no excuse in the world for that. You need to get someone to intervene, and right away.

[Linzoy]

My parents are both nice and intelligent people. My mom knows that what she did was wrong and she's apoligized tearfully for some of the other stuff she's done. My mom is kind of crazy, she's tole me NO ONE cares about her or something. I feel like that sometimes, but this seems to be her permanent mindset. She acts unusually cheerful and agreeable most of the time but I know she has problems. It's not like she doesn't know right from wrong though, and that's why I'm not sure if I want to make things worse for them.

[MST3Kakalina]

I took this personally and called her a loser with no friends. That's kind of mean but she's threatened to shoot me many times before and I don't even respond. So anyway my mom threw a book at me, kicked me, and hid my laptop for the rest of the day. She can't see the situation from my point of veiw. In her mind she keeps threatening to kill me because I'm a horrible person who teases her all the time. Worst of all is that my parents refuse to take her seriously because she's autistic. What if she really does stab me or something?
initial thought: an out-of-line response to an out-of-line comment doesn't really help anything, and this applies to you AND your mom. i don't think your sister really try to hurt you or anything. i echo Ami: throwing shit at you and kicking is abuse, and there's absolutely no excuse for it.

My sister is very jealous of me because I'm smarter than her. She has always demanded to eat the same food as me, play with the same toys. She even asks me for advice of when to wash her hair. I try to refuse to answer questions like that but apparently that's mean. I don't think it is, she's 14 and it's about time she learns to be self reliant.

i dunno, i think that's just like she wants to be like you. not answering questions like that isn't MEAN, no, but i think the tone of how you answer plays a lot into it. "no, go away, i don't want to answer that" is different than "i'm glad you respect me enough to ask me, but i think you're old enough to answer that on your own."

I think my parents think of me as some kind of adult. So if I make fun of my sister they respond the way they would if an adult was doing it, not some dumb teenager.

well, if that's how you KNOW they see you, then i think the mature thing to do would be to try to live up to those expectations. yeah, you can't do that all of the time, but if you try to be more patient, that will help. 'course, i dunno what it's like with you in your family at all, but i remember you posting somewhere that you sometimes get really angry for no reason. so. i dunno. just a thought.

i still think you should call child services. your mom seems like she needs some help as well.

[exemplary citizen]

My parents are both nice and intelligent people. My mom knows that what she did was wrong and she's apoligized tearfully for some of the other stuff she's done. Yeah, but she <i>keeps doing it</i>. I know this isn't the first time I've seen you mentioning her doing something physically harmful to you. It's an abusive pattern, and it's not gonna stop even if she keeps apologizing. You need to get a school counselor or somebody else involved in this right away.

Your mom really sounds like she need some help, and I think the only way she's going to get it is if you step forward and tell somebody in authority about it.

[deep]

Just because she knows what she did was wrong and apoligized doesn't make it any better. She needs to get help, you shouldn't have to put up with that.

[Linzoy]

i dunno, i think that's just like she wants to be like you. not answering questions like that isn't MEAN, no, but i think the tone of how you answer plays a lot into it. "no, go away, i don't want to answer that" is different than "i'm glad you respect me enough to ask me, but i think you're old enough to answer that on your own."
You're right I should really be more polite. I've always been the kind of person who keeps forgetting to say please and thank you.

well, if that's how you KNOW they see you, then i think the mature thing to do would be to try to live up to those expectations. yeah, you can't do that all of the time, but if you try to be more patient, that will help. 'course, i dunno what it's like with you in your family at all, but i remember you posting somewhere that you sometimes get really angry for no reason. so. i dunno. just a thought.Point taken but I think I already act more mature than most kids my age and I don't think the bar has to be raised any higher. Maybe that's just arrogant but there's only so much I can do. I can sit on the internet all day whining... and um... I can eat food. Sometimes.

She's been in therapy for years and she forced us to go to family therapy for a while. I think they used to have marriage counsoling, maybe they still do, I don't know. The family therapist asked us every week the same kinds of questions, never wrote anything down, what a moron. I have to admit he was very good at faking a concerned face and nodding though.

[MST3Kakalina]

She's been in therapy for years and she forced us to go to family therapy for a while. I think they used to have marriage counsoling, maybe they still do, I don't know. The family therapist asked us every week the same kinds of questions, never wrote anything down, what a moron. I have to admit he was very good at faking a concerned face and nodding though.

yeah, that does seem pretty weak. then again, i've never been to a counselor (though i probably should have by now) so i wouldn't know what constitutes a good one.

[Linzoy]

My mom has now disapeared without any warning and we can't reach her on cell. This is really annoying.

[exemplary citizen]

Yikes. :(

Yeah, you need to let somebody know that your mom is kinda whacked. That may very well be the only way she gets help.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

Ami, are labrets supposed to make an indentation on the back of your lip?

[exemplary citizen]

Yeah, that's normal. It's not permanent; it'll go away after a little while of having the jewerly out. Whenever I put a cbr through mine, it goes away in about an hour. It's just that the tissue there is so soft that the flatback jewelry leaves like... I dunno. Like when you wake up and have pillow lines on your face.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

<small>I kind of went psycho and pierced my lip. Don't worry, I don't have any needles left. I'm trying to take the best care of it I can, and I think I am doing an okay job other than the fact that I freaked out about the indentation the other day and switched it out a couple times. I feel bad about that. It seems to be fine now, though. And I have to get a retainer for it for school. Would Quartz be okay?
After that I am not changing it out at all for a few months. It needs to heal. </small>

[exemplary citizen]

Mmmm, you're really not supposed to put a retainer in it until its fully healed... I understand that those monofillament ones can get all kinds of nasty bacteria and shit growing on them. But a quartz retainer? They actually make those?

Yeah, just quit changing the jewelry out, and you'll be fine. The labret is one of the fastest healing piercings, provided you care for it right. The trick is that it needs a combination aftercare routine -- since it's an oral-facial piercing, you have to wash the outside with antimicrobial soap like you would any other piercing, while doing a mouthwash like Biotene or saline three times a day to take care of the inside.

What gauge did you use, out of curiosity?

[ImWearingUrSkin]

I used 14 gauge. It's pretty centered, there's a picture of it on the picture thread. I went a little to the side in the back/entry, there was a big capillary looking thing dead center. So I went at a little bit of an angle in order to get it in the middle. My parents found out the other day and they were a little pissy but they're letting me keep it. I was so nervous about parents/school I didn't look up aftercare until recently, I didn't realize it was probably pretty different from ear piercings.

The quartz retainers are on tribalectic.com... does this link work?
http://www.tribalectic.com/QuartzRetainers.asp?Material=Quartz&JType=Quartz%20Retainer

I've read different things on aftercare. I've been using antibacterial soap on the outside, and of course been keeping my mouth really clean and brushed and using diluted mouthwash... I've also read to use a home made saline mouthwash or something. I've found in the past though that over-cleaning piercings makes them all irritated and scarred, so my newer ear piercings I only clean like once a day rather than twice.

Wow, sorry about the topic change.

[Linzoy]

That's ok, there isn't much more that can be said about my topic. Whining won't help much, I just some time and maybe some soda to work up the ambition to get up and do something.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

I was going to post a reply, but I was like OMG Ami.

I've just skimmed a few posts, but
Your mom sounds kind of like mine. Mine acts incredibly happy and fake around everyone... really social... but when it's just her family it's a whole nother story. Except instead of being like "nobody cares about me" she deals with her childhood problems by blaming everyone for everything that has ever gone wrong with anything.

My mom's abused and then apologized tearfully, too.
And the whole right and wrong thing, too...
It seems like my moms only moral guidance is her interpretation of the Bible. She has no guidelines other than what she believes God wants her to do. I don't know whether this lack of sense of right and wrong is a result or cause of her acute religious fixation.

[exemplary citizen]

The quartz retainers are on tribalectic.com... does this link work?
http://www.tribalectic.com/QuartzRetainers.asp?Material=Quartz&JType=Quartz%20RetainerOh! Okay, yeah, you can wear that in a fresh piercing all right. It's like they mention, you wanna be careful about putting anything even slightly porous (plastic, bamboo, etc.) in fresh piercings because they grow bacteria like gangbusters. Tribalectic makes good jewelry.

I've read different things on aftercare. I've been using antibacterial soap on the outside, and of course been keeping my mouth really clean and brushed and using diluted mouthwash... I've also read to use a home made saline mouthwash or something. I've found in the past though that over-cleaning piercings makes them all irritated and scarred, so my newer ear piercings I only clean like once a day rather than twice.Yep, that's right. Overcleaning a piercing can be just as bad as undercleaning it; not so much true with other piercings than it is with oral piercings, though. Trust me, I freaked out with my tongue piercing and used mouthwash so often that I got a thrush infection on my tongue. That has to be the single most disgusting experience in my life, not to mention it scarred like all holy hell. But anyway. Yeah, what you can do is look for this stuff called "Biotene"; they make it for oral surgery patients, so it's a good cleanser while still being pretty gentle. I've been able to find it at most drug stores in the mouthwash section. What you want to avoid at all costs is Listerine or anything containing alcohol (or, if you do use that, cut it with 50% water before you rinse). Saline rinses are always a good idea. Keep your teeth nice and brushed as well, and do your rinses after brushing. Other than that, just keep in mind a three times daily routine for both the inside and the outside, and be sure not to touch or fiddle with the jewelry unless you've washed your hands in really hot water for 30 seconds first. A staph infection is about the last thing you want there.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

Yeah, at first I was messing with the jewelry a lot. I would clench the back with my teeth to try to keep the disk from settling in my lip, I was freaking out that that was bad. I moved it around a lot at first, nerves about the parents and school and all. I figured I wouldn't be allowed to keep it in anyways. It was swollen for a few days but I think the swelling has gone down. The soreness has gone away since I stopped messing with it, but it is still a little red around it, and it itches a little off and on.

[exemplary citizen]

That might mean the start of an infection... usually itching and redness aren't a good sign after the initial swelling has gone down. You need to start really watching that you don't touch it or fiddle with it with dirty hands. Just be really diligent with your aftercare from this point on, and <i>don't take it out</i>. I mean it, not even to switch out jewelry. That's probably how you got it infected in the first place. Wait at least three weeks before you try to switch out jewelry again. And always remember to wash your hands with soap and hot water for thirty seconds <i>before</i> you wash the piercing.

You hear me, missy? *waggles finger at you*

edit: also, what sort of soap are you using? I always tell people to use Dial (the orange kind) or Provon, because they're both good antimicrobial soaps.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

I know. I shouldn't have switched it out. I don't think the jewelry was clean, either. It was a kind of a heat of the moment panicy thing. But other people who have experience with piercings have told me it looks fine. I don't know.
What am I supposed to do at school until then? I was really hoping to switch it into that quartz retainer ASAP and then just leaving that in like, forever.

antibacterial = antimicrobial? I know the orange dial is antibacterial. I figured it wasn't as good because it had dye in it, which could irritate. I am using... Softsoap antibacterial. Whoa. It looks clear so I figured it didn't have any dyes but I looked at the back and it says it has some blue. It also says it has some "light moisturizers". I think it probably has fragrance, too (it seems like most all soap does). That's probably what's irritating it. I think we're out of dial though.
I've heard provon but I don't think I've seen it anywhere.

[exemplary citizen]

Ssssss... well... okay. Here's the deal.

You may switch it out once, and once ONLY. BUT. Be sure that you clean your hands, and the piercing with the jewelry you have in now FIRST.

The quartz thingy didn't happen to come in a sterile pouch, did it?


edit: antibacterial =! antimicrobial. While bacteria is the main thing you're out to erradicate, an anti<i>microbial</i> soap will kill a broader array of nasties than your standard antibacterial soap will.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

It isn't here yet. Won't be until monday... I spent $15 on 2 day shipping, thinking it would come on the weekend, THEN realized it meant business days. Probably won't, though. I can't really picture anyone autoclaving quartz.

edit: but on the tribalectic homepage, it says, "Unlike other body jewelry stores, all our jewelry is sterilized and shipped in a medical grade sterile pouch."
this is probably all more suited for PM, but since we've carried on so long anyways...

That's what I thought, I just never see antimicrobial soaps in grocery stores, and I know there's an orange dial antibacterial soap. I'll walk up today and see what they have, though.

[exemplary citizen]

Yeeeeah. Okay, since I have no idea how that thing is going to react to temperature (quartz is pretty fragile), I'm not gonna tell you to boil it or anything. I think, just this once, I'm gonna say that you might wanna swab it real good with alcohol first, <i>let it dry thoroughly</i>, then rinse it with warm water before inserting it. And use gloves while you're doing this; that's about the best I can think of given the circumstances.

<i>IF</i> it comes in a sterile pouch, sweet. Disregard that. But don't open it without gloves and not until you're just about to switch out. <i>Always</i> wear gloves when you're handling sterile jewelry; you don't want to muck it up before you put it in.

edit: if they have the orange dial at the store, get that. Even though it's labeled "antibacterial", it's the second best thing you can get next to Provon (which is hospital grade). Softsoap is EVIL; they dump a ton of purfumes and moisturizers in it that are HORRIBLE. Stop using that right away. I'd bet that's the main cause of why it's all irritated.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

There is hope for my little quartz thingy... I have found that quartz is used as thermometers, which might include thermometers that measure boiling temperatures.
Also...
"Quartz melts at approximately 1600 °C", and the boiling point of water is 100°C.
<small> http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/kinetic/vappre.html#c4 ; http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2002/SaiLee.shtml</small>

And I will go out to the store. I am sure that they have that orange dial stuff. That's what I've used for all my other piercings.

AMI SAVES THE DAY. I am happy. I will let you know when the quartz thingy gets here. PM me if you want to talk any further, but I feel bad enough about killing the topic. At any rate, I'm going to go to the store.
Resume...
Something on topic...

I've just skimmed a few posts, but your mom sounds kind of like mine. Mine acts incredibly happy and fake around everyone... really social... but when it's just her family it's a whole nother story. Except instead of being like "nobody cares about me" she deals with her childhood problems by blaming everyone for everything that has ever gone wrong with anything.

My mom's abused and then apologized tearfully, too.
And the whole right and wrong thing, too...
It seems like my moms only moral guidance is her interpretation of the Bible. She has no guidelines other than what she believes God wants her to do. I don't know whether this lack of sense of right and wrong is a result or cause of her acute religious fixation.

[exemplary citizen]

Yeah, that doesn't mean it won't shatter when going from room temp to boiling, though. It depends on what its coefficient of expansion is.

But if it comes in the sterile pouch like they're saying it will, it's a moot point and you're set.




So, yeah... topic. You have no idea where your mom is, Linzoy?

[Linzoy]

We found her, she went to see some friends without telling anyone. It's still annoying.

My mom is also very religious. She isn't a christian, but she's REALLY into the stuff she's into. Astrology, tarot, kabalah, meditation, the da vinci code. I like most of those things but I just hate it when she talks about karma and about how god is everywhere and loves everyone. I get this clenching feeling in my chest.

[~V+]

God, you fucking idiot.


do you realise that your sister HAS FUCKING AUTISM.


AND YOU FUCKING HIT HER.

I UNDERSTAND THAT SHE ATTACKED YOU, BUT YOU HIT A FUCKING AUTISTIC CHILD.


moron.

[Linzoy]

when did I say I hit her?

[~V+]

you - "I attacked her back"



Unless attack is a uphamism for "beat her with a sex toy".

[implode]

huh. go figure. i dunno, v. i always had you pegged as the type who'd hit an autistic kid just to hear the noise he made when he fell.

[Linzoy]

She keeps beating me up... You would do the same thing.

[~V+]

not if my sibling is retarded.

[Linzoy]

Shut up, you don't know anything. If you saw an autistic person on the street and even stopped to talk to them for a few minutes you'd probably never guess there was anything unusual about them. Retards are very different.

[~V+]

really?


I'm pretty sure a sign of them repeating what I just said EXACTLY would be a sign that something was fucking wrong.


btw mentally challenged pls.

[Linzoy]

Yeah. Really. Not all autistics are the same.

[~V+]

REALLY?



WOW TELL ME MORE

[Rory Storm]

REALLY?



WOW TELL ME MORE

Ass HOLE-E-O!

[~V+]

OH GOD RORY DONT INSULT ME MAN IT TOTALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS :'(

[Linzoy]

Quit being a such a victim. Quit watching the lifetime network. Victimism is nothing to glamorize.

[Rory Storm]

OH GOD RORY DONT INSULT ME MAN IT TOTALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS :'(
AW, Im sorry, i wont do it again you want popsicle?

[~V+]

Quit being a such a victim. Quit watching the lifetime network. Victimism is nothing to glamorize.
GET RAPED BY A CURTAIN ROD.

[Charnye West]

This shirt (http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=413&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|&send_isJS=Y&send_browser=YNY|MSIE|6|Win32|Y|1152|864|) comes to mind.

(no offense)

[~V+]

FUCK U BAD PEOPLEZ

[MST3Kakalina]

not if my sibling is retarded.
autism != retarded. not every autistic person has Down's Syndrome. a lot of the higher fuctioning autistics are really talented, and can more or less function in society on a normal level. it's not like Mecha still lives at home and has to have his mother dress him and feed him or anything.

the guy who invented BitTorrent, for example (though his name escapes me) is a high fuctioning autistic. Gary Numan. Einstein most likely was too. i don't think you'd call them retarded.

i'm not going to get all weepy or offended or anything. just so you know for the future.

[Linzoy]

Thank you. That's something like what I would have said if I wasn't so lazy.

[exemplary citizen]

I still wonder sometimes if I don't have Asperger's. It's just I'm not sure it's even worth checking into at this point. I don't have any trouble functioning, I just have a few... quirks that I can't really explain.

[MST3Kakalina]

wouldn't surprise me. this place seems to attract aspies/those related to them like whoa.

would that make Asperger's Syndrome our own board equivalent of depression as the "trendy" psychological/neurological condition to have?