Most Revolting Candy?

[Takker]

Black licorice.... oh man...

[maxx]

Candy Corn that tastes like it's been a plastic bag for too long.

[Linzoy]

Most "sour" candy. What they do is make it halfway sour and market it as sour. I want it to either be sour or sweet.

[SLUM WIZZARD]

There is no "disgusting" candy. But I used to hate altoids because when my friend gave me one, I accidentally picked out a pill of her father's instead of an altoid (later that week she found out it was in there because her dad hates the taste of his medicine, so he puts it in with the altoids because it makes them minty. She never took one of the medication-y ones because "...they kinda looked funny, so I didn't want to touch them. I figured you didn't care though, so I let you have it") Apparently, it wasn't in there very long so it tasted like absolute crap. I still swallowed it, and for the rest of the day I was pretty lightheaded. My friend still brings that up and laughs about it, because I bumped into quite a few things that day (a few doors, alot of people, and I tripped over two chairs, I remember this because my friend just loves to bring it up at every possible chance.) Nothing to talk about? Just bring up the time your friend was tripping on altiods! I'm sure he doesn't mind it at all...

I still hate altoids.

[Takker]

what about circus peanuts?

[Lord Koopa]

Those Harry Potter jelly beans.

[SLUM WIZZARD]

what about circus peanuts?
Hey! Those are good.

[töm]

milk duds.

[steffi]

ditto.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Those horrible "batonette" (batonelles?) chalk-flavoured candy sticks you find in the 25cent-vending machines that say "play until you win!!": you get 2 sticks in a thin box with popeye on the front, or some other cartoon character, and the writing on the box is in french and english, i think.

bleh.


good things, though: when i was 8 or 9, i used to stock up on those things, and sell them to classmates for 2 or 3 dollars a stick, telling them it was weed.

I always WAS a profit-monger.... :)

[leatherface]

I.. I liked those.
Lemme see, I hate circus peanuts, tiger eyes (gumballs), and pretty much most american candies.

[Shiv]

Mah Finish friend got a giant bag of nasty salty licorice here. It was fun to feed them to people and watch the facial expressions. But I hear they have hot chili candies in Mexico. That's gotta be bad O.O

Candy should be sweet >.<

[leatherface]

That licorice candy, was it called double zout, And did it look like little pills?

Chili candies are good, I love the suckers with chili powder in the middle.

[robot]

There is no "disgusting" candy. But I used to hate altoids because when my friend gave me one, I accidentally picked out a pill of her father's instead of an altoid (later that week she found out it was in there because her dad hates the taste of his medicine, so he puts it in with the altoids because it makes them minty. She never took one of the medication-y ones because "...they kinda looked funny, so I didn't want to touch them. I figured you didn't care though, so I let you have it") Apparently, it wasn't in there very long so it tasted like absolute crap. I still swallowed it, and for the rest of the day I was pretty lightheaded. My friend still brings that up and laughs about it, because I bumped into quite a few things that day (a few doors, alot of people, and I tripped over two chairs, I remember this because my friend just loves to bring it up at every possible chance.) Nothing to talk about? Just bring up the time your friend was tripping on altiods! I'm sure he doesn't mind it at all...

I still hate altoids.

sounds like somebody took some vicadiiiiinnnn. people pay good money for that shit, you know.

theres this game on nick.com where you feed kids black licorice and they turn into demons.

[Justinian 1]

Anything that has to do with black licorice and lickedy crickets.

[Invader Gim]

Berdie Bott's Every Flavor Beans

Oh man, it seems like they have more vomit flavored ones in a box than any other flavor they have.

[Justinian 1]

Who the hell would make and/or sell vomit flavored candy?

[Invader Gim]

It's another Harry Potter marketing scheme... in the books they have jelly beans available in every flavor in the world. And they actually made them. Other flavors in there are soap, sardine, earthworm, dirt, ear wax, and a whole bunch of other weird crap.

[deadish]

http://www.bad-candy.com
be prepared to LAAAAAAAAFF.

[maxx]

Haha! I just read about the Tiger Eyes candy.

http://www.bad-candy.com/candies/tigereyes/images/tigereyes.jpg

"Ben, being the humorous chap he is, likes to refer to the local cheapo pizza shop that sells $5.00 larges as peddling "carnival pizza." What he means by this statement is that, while the pizza is edible enough, it's flavor and consistency are similar to what you would find at a booth in a traveling fair or freak show. The crust is as rubbery as the greasy cheese. I mean, come on, it costs $5. How good can it be?

After inserting the Tiger Eye into your mouth, you immediately realize that, if this indeed a gum, it is incredibly stale. This could be attributed to the fact that they were shipped all the way from Egypt. Yes, Egypt. Ben believes that they were actually a gift to dead pharohs, to aid them on their journey to the afterlife. He claims that they were stolen from the tombs, and carry a curse. After the case of dysentary that seemed to follow their consumption, I just may agree.

Anyway, once you have broken the rock-hard outer layer and begin to chew the inner contents, you may be inclined to think, "Hey, this isn't THAT bad!" Then you'll notice the thick, white film coating the inside of your mouth. Where did it come from? Was it inside the Eye? Is it foam buildup from the hard candy shell? Is it your immune system rejecting the treat? You'll spit out a sample of the foam, and wonder at it's gushiness. You'll start to think about the contents of the film/foam mixture, and in rapidly building disgust, will quickly eject the Tiger Eye from your mouth and onto the ground, regardless of where you are standing.

And THAT is the Tiger Eye experience."

[Sally]

Anything that has the word "gummy" in the title. I can't stand gummy things.

[BeastDad1987]

milk duds.
I used to love those until I had such a hard time chewing one that it pulled out my tooth.

I've never tried them, but those Mexican lollipops with insects in them look pretty gross. I always imagined that the lollipop part would taste like vinegar or something, and the bug would taste like spicy salt. Eeew.

[robot]

once when i was a kid i ate a lolipop of tequila with a worm in the center.

it was okay.

[Forever Finite]

what are you supposed to do once you hit the worm? do you have to just lick around it or do you viciously bite into it and try to chew pieces off?

[robot]

i just chewed and swallowed.

kind of like any other form of consumption.

kind of.

[FGandhi]

The candy "Boston Baked Beans" , at least as far as American candy goes.

The worst I ever had was down in Panama, a little taffyish type thing called "Pollo Chico" or something of that sort. It was in a yellow wrapper and had a chicken on it drawn in red. If its intent was to nauseate me, it lived up to its calling very well.

~FGandhi.

[Shiv]

That licorice candy, was it called double zout, And did it look like little pills? Chili candies are good, I love the suckers with chili powder in the middle. No, it was a big plastic bag of various typse of black licorice. She gave me one that wasn't too bad because she new I didn't like the salty ones. In Ireland, we refere to salty candy as 'trick candy' or 'joke candy'.... just a thought.

Also, you crazy crazy person with your chili.... you need to put them in hotsauce, not candies. Silly people.

[MajorB]

Chocolate. Covered. Cricket.

[deep]

I had this stuff from mexico once. It was not only Chili flavored but it was also a squeezable goo in a tube. I still gag to this day thinking about it.
Oh and there was a cricket in a sucker that I got at a science thing once. The cricket wasn't bad (tasted like burnt popcorn) but the sucker was that cheap, clear, plastic tasting stuff that is flavored with the food coloring...

[katenyah]

Damn, Mexico must make some heinous candy for so many people to mention crappy stuff coming from there.

Those Garbage Pail Kids gum/candy/food-stuff was gross. I liked the cards, but whatever it was that came with (I forget) was just utterly vomitacious.

[BeastDad1987]

Does anyone know of those candy bubbles? They're like regular floating bubbles except you jump around and eat 'em like a retard. Well, I drank the liquid once. That was pretty nasty.

[maxx]

http://store1.yimg.com/I/eparty_1834_35322532

Ah yes, these things. They still have those on the shelves?

[Takker]

http://store1.yimg.com/I/eparty_1834_35322532

Ah yes, these things. They still have those on the shelves?
ooo! I loved those! I had the grape flavored bubbles

[BeastDad1987]

The grape flavored one was the one I drank. I don't know what came over me-- I was about seven or eight, anyways. Bah.

[Awesome McManly]

http://store1.yimg.com/I/eparty_1834_35322532

Ah yes, these things. They still have those on the shelves?

I feel deprived. I never had these. They sound rad!

[exemplary citizen]

http://store1.yimg.com/I/eparty_1834_35322532

Ah yes, these things. They still have those on the shelves?Hell yeah! I got some at a Cracker Barrel last time I was making a road trip.

[Linzoy]

I like the vomit flavored beans. Candy can't taste bad.

[Shiv]

It's like that one time we get the fantastic idea of drinking orange squash without diluting it first ^_^

[Nevermore]

Blargh. Heres a list.

Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (and jellybeans in general. I don't like any kind. its just these are the worst)
Candy Bubbles
Those things that come in a wrapper that looks like a strawberry.
Butterscotch
Twizzlers

[Corn 2.0]

Butterscotch and any form of jellybean at all.

I absolutely HATE butterscotch.

[whodaimen]

teeth sealers. they have em in a local market. you emty the tube on to your teeth. and bite down. it taste decent. but then it seals. and you cant fucking open your mouth for LITERALLY hours! I see kids at school all the time with their mouths clenched shut. I used to give that shit to kindergardeners. Funny as hell. then i met my friends little brother who never shut up. I put tabasco sauce in his mouth, then used sealer to shut his mouth. so he couldnt really wash out the sting. ah, good times. Theyres also this candy that you shoot like a gun. it comes with gunpowder or SOMETHING inside. you press the trigger and the candy flies out with a little parachute on it. so supposedly you launch it in the air. well, now adays i see kids take the whole parachute/candy thing out, and replace it with a rock. BAM, whack!, OW!

Now we have a new product. Its this candy with two strings on each end. you pull both strings and it explodes. I realised the other day that this completly makes the candy part useless.

[Shiv]

I LIVE for butterscotch you heathens!!!!!!!

[Takker]

mmmm, butterscotch...so delicious...

[Vile]

Butterscotch is ass.

[Awesome McManly]

Ha ha ha!

This guy I used to work with was obsessed with licking girls ass holes. He used to go on about how it tastes like caramel and mustard. Which is kinda what I think butterscotch tastes like.

But I don't mind butterscotch so much.

Moral of the story: Maybe I should be licking more ass.

[Shiv]

Asses are weird.... I must admit I never caught a touch of mustard taste off my butterscotch.... it tastes buttery to me.

[~VeronicaBlack~]

rock candy. yuck!

[AngryGoatFace]

Those horrible "batonette" (batonelles?) chalk-flavoured candy sticks you find in the 25cent-vending machines that say "play until you win!!": you get 2 sticks in a thin box with popeye on the front, or some other cartoon character, and the writing on the box is in french and english, i think.

bleh.


good things, though: when i was 8 or 9, i used to stock up on those things, and sell them to classmates for 2 or 3 dollars a stick, telling them it was weed.

I always WAS a profit-monger.... :)

hehehe.

ditto. 'cept for the weed part.

[Awesome McManly]

Asses are weird.... I must admit I never caught a touch of mustard taste off my butterscotch.... it tastes buttery to me.

wait, so you lick ass?

[implode]

hey guys. i wrote this like two years ago. i was like "i wanna write an article but i wanna make steff come up with the idea" so i sent her a "hey steffi here's a PM now quick the first thing you think of write it down and send it back." PM and she wrote "candy." the rest... is just as retarded as the explanation.

okay. so i send a PM to a friend, asking for a topic, ANY topic, to write about. the stipulation i made to myself was that i HAD to write about whatever she told me to. she responds with "the production of candy and its effects on society." unfortunately, candy isn't especially funny on it's own, and you usually need to either alter the candy in some way or find a disgusting foreign candy to make it any good. and i don't live in a town where i can walk to the local japanese grocery store and find something with no english on it to eat. but that's okay. i'm diligent. and i was also a kid, at one point, so that means that i've tasted just about every candy imaginable. and now that i think about it, there are some candies that i wish i had never eaten, either because they were disgusting, or i had to use an electric drill to remove the excess from my teeth, or whatever. so i guess it's not THAT terrible of a topic. she could have told me to write about bedsheets or something... which would have sucked, and i would have had to post pictures of grown men who have carebear bedsheets on their beds. and i don't want to have to embarrass myself like that. so, candy it is!

the article will be broken down into catagories. which you will notice almost immediately, after you finish reading this stupid obligatory intro. god, i hate intros. don't you? let's move on.

CHEWY, STICKY, GOOEY, ETC...

LEMON HEADS: lemon heads don't sound like a bad idea, at first. lemons are good, and candy is good, too. starburst proved that these two things CAN infact go together, with delicious, lip-smacking results. unfortunately, someone at the lemon heads factory must have made a mistake, because these fucking things taste like lemons for about 8 seconds. then they devolve into sugary, tasteless lumps of crap that you continue eating anyway, because god dammit, you put the thing in your mouth in the first place, and you ain't no quitter! i've been told that perhaps my technique for eating the candy is wrong, and that i should bite into it immediately and swallow before the flavor can go away. but here's a good rule of thumb for all you budding candy producers out there: if you need to follow a specific eating technique to keep the candy from tasting like crap, go back to the fucking drawing board.

OVERALL LEMONHEAD RATING: 2 of 5. lemons are tasty, and that 6 seconds of lemoness was good enough for 2 points.

JUJUBEES: candy is meant to be enjoyed, right? so who thought it would be a good idea to create a candy that not only tastes like a mint that got into a fight with a fruit basket, but also GLUES itself to your teeth, making it impossible to chew, move your mouth at all, or even think about how much better you felt before you put this fucking thing in your mouth in the first place? it doesn't have the charming consistency of gummi bears, or the relative passiveness of gum. this is an all out assault on the muscles in your mouth, and they aren't fucking around. the more you put in at once, the more impossible it becomes to chew. i have a theory that if you were to eat a whole box of jujubees at once, they would migrate up your sinuses and down your throat, eventually suffocating you. and there you would lie, on the floor, spewing rainbow colored saliva from your mouth and vowing revenge. but revenge will never be yours. you're just another jujubee casualty, my friend, and don't you forget it.

OVERALL JUJUBEE RATING: 0 of 5. the horrible glue effect might not be so bad, if it was gluing something tasty to your mouth. but this is like chewing on artificially flavored socks. avoid at all costs.

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS: do we even have to discuss this? it's a marshmallow covered in sugar. that's not candy, that's medievil torture for cavities. this is one of those candies where someone took two seemingly good things and managed to make something awful. for example, if i were to take chocolate icecream and cover it with spaghetti sauce. or take a pretty girl and combine her with a stereo. sure, it would be cool for a little while. you could play with her knobs, adjust her bass and treble, etc... but eventually you'll get electrocuted when you try to stick your penis into the port for the CD player. what the hell am i talking about, you ask? fuck if i know, but this conversation is making me hate robots even more than i did before.

OVERALL MARSHMALLOW PEEP RATING: 1 of 5. if there was nothing else in the house to eat, i would eat the wrapper the peeps came in before the actual peeps themselves.

TWIZZLERS: what are these things supposed to be, anyway? my guess would be strawberry flavored licorice. and if this is infact true, why do so many people enjoy these things but wilt at the sight of a black jellybean? adding strawberry may unintesify the flavor a little bit, but what it lacks in intensity it makes up for in shitty taste. licorice is meant to stand alone. adding artificial flavors to it is an absolute atrocity. you either like licorice or you don't. there is no happy medium.

CHOCOLATEY MISTAKES

WHOPPERS (or malted milk balls in general): what the hell ARE these things, really? i decided to do a little research. i've always wondered what the term "malted milk" was supposed to mean, anyway. it sounds vaguely ominous, like it should be the last step milk goes through before it turns sour. infact, it's a blend of dried milk, barley, and wheat powder. MMM BOY. nothing like the charming non-candy texture of grain and the strange taste of dried milk. if you've ever actually sucked on one of these things until the chocolate is all gone and looked at what's left, it's looks like a piece of breakfast cereal. which, come to think of it, would be a million times better than this crap. imagine: kix covered in chocolate. mmm. sounds like a hard idea to mess up, right? well, the malted milk people managed.

OVERALL WHOPPER RATING: 3 of 5. yeah, they suck, but at least they don't wage all out fucking war with your mouth. once you eat one, it's gone. it's spirit doesn't live on, haunting you every time you move your tongue for the next 15 minutes.

CHOCOLATE COVERED CHERRIES: you probably weren't expecting me to include this, because chocolate covered cherries kick ass in most situations, and i should damned well know that. but not in EVERY situation. the chocolate covered cherries with the white goo inside are DISGUSTING. the goo seems to be the same stuff they put in cadbury cream eggs, which is confusing, because cadbury cream eggs are good. but my theory is that they are good because they don't have a piece of fruit inside them. fruit and sticky white goo do not go together, except in certain perverted situations which i don't think i need to elaborate on. a good chocolate covered cherry will have a thin, colorless (or red) liquid inside it that is also cherry flavored.

OVERALL CCC RATING: 2 of 5. i know, i know, it should be much higher, considering i only dislike one brand of them, but the feeling of disappointment i get when i bite into that gooey white shit is enough to knock 3 points off the scale. sorry, ccc's.

MISCELLANEOUS CRAP the miscellaneous crap section does not exist because i realized that i hated writing about this. too bad i didn't realize it 40 words in, because wow, that <i>sucks.</i>

and yet, i post it anyway.

[cyberen]

Necco Wafers. they make me sick.

[Nevermore]

Peeps ARE disgusting.

[steffi]

I hate butterscotch, too.

caramel is where it's at.

[SLUM WIZZARD]

caramel is where it's at._

[2 Balls of Glue]

This Happy Plum candy is from the bad-candy.com site that someone mentioned earlier, and unfortunately I have tried it. My mother is Asian, and she sometimes purchases it--except we call it plum seed candy. The outside is sweet like rock candy, but the center is like a nasty sour hard seed that lasts longer than Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gob-Stopper.

http://www.bad-candy.com/candies/happyplum/images/happy_resin.jpg

[Rory Storm]

That looks like a nasty mucus covered shit.

[ManiacTHP]

I really hate twizzlers, I refuse to eat them.

[Invader Dim]

twizzlers are not my favorite, but i don't mind them. except the black ones those taste horrible.

[deadish]

i hate everyone. i would live on twizzlers if i could.

and everyone KNOWS how i feel about peeps.











but then. i enjoy the anguish in eating circus peanuts.
but twizzlers and peeps produce nothing but shiny JOY.
you ANIMALS.



and why does no one know about crows? they COMBINE jujubes(gumdrops. yeah.) and intense licorice. HEAVEN.

[Shiv]

wait, so you lick ass? No, I think it means I lick butterscotch o_O

Your Happy Plum looks like it might bite back.... or at least absorb and digest us all...