Davey Rootbeer
05-12-2005, 09:46 PM
The night was warmand temperate, and even with the dorm windows closed and the fan on, sleeping was not something to be accomplished easily. (WORKING SUB-INTRO)
(INTRODUCE CIRCULAR SUB-STRUCTURE HERE)
the sweat made him all the more uncomfortable, as he tossed in the bed to find a more suitable position. arriving at the conclusion that no one position was more comfortable than the last, he sighed, and sat up. it took quite a bit of effort, and some strain on his stomach, which was already hurting from the previous night, when he had pulled a muscle doing one of the most mundane things in the world: walking.
(TRANSITIONAL ELEMENT)
<i> There was a time in my life where i was invincible, or so it felt like it. Didn't have to stretch before excersising. If i hurt something, it would heal within a few hours. Not anymore. I twist an ankle, and it's going to send waves of pain up my leg every time i put pressure on it for at least a week. maybe a month. Seems like it'll never go away. Even back then i knew what my future would be, i had just never expected it to come this soon. And if this is happening now, what of when i'm 30? or 40? or 50? </i>
the cool air from the fan mixed in with the sweat off his bare chest, causing him to shiver in the dark.
(INCLUSION ABOUT LOCATION DETAILS, SUPPLEMENTED BY CIRCULAR STRUCTURE/THEME)
(BEGIN BUILDUP OF PLOT POINT)
A horrfiying thought came to his head.
What if it was true? what she had said to him the other day. And then that call he was supposed to make tonight, to check up on it...
The mets game was on.
"I'm going to the hospital again."
"okay." Strike two to beltran.
"Just so you know, if anything happens, i left Chet instructions on what to do."
Ball one, low and outisde to beltran. "shut up."
The count was 1 and 2.
"I'm serious, if anything happens to me...."
Beltran chases a high fastball inside. Side retired.
"shu..shut up. nothing's going to happen."
THe commercial with the dancing gecko comes on.
"it's a very serious operation, I'm really woried about you and your sister, i just want to make sure..."
Pain in the upper right leg, again.
"I gotta go now."
"call Chet at 8:30 tomorrow night, to check up. bye, love you...!"
He sits down. The pain lessens.
"okay."
He gently placed the reciever on the phone. The padres come to bat in the 5th, and he grabbed a Busch from the cooler, laying back, letting the soreness in his shins evaporate into the air.
He looked behind him at the clock, straining his already-sore lower back muscles. The ben-gay had no effect whatosver, and he contemplated filing a lawsuit againt them for false advertising for a second, and then the thought vanished like smoke into the wind.
(CLIMAX DEVELOPMENT)
2:12 AM. He hadn't really given it much though until now, in the dark of the night, submerged in an ocean of his own sweat. What would happen if....?
Chet was already working two jobs, as a janitor. Sister was still in high school, and couldn't pull in more than minimum wage. and mother, with a full time job, she would be out of work for two months at the minimum.
At the best possible case scenario. The worst case being...
There wouldn't be anything waiting for him at home. Just unpaid bills, and second and third notices. He hadn't worked for 3 years, and money was a problem. Money was always a problem.
<i> I flashed through the images in my mind. June, july, august, all gone. Hazy days of green spent behind a cash register, just to buy enough food for the week's groceries, and to put gas in the car. A bill from the health center, for those tests and pills during finals week. a bill from the morgage company. Who was going to handle these things? I'm just a kid, goddamit. Just a stupid kid. I go to school, i come home, i want to play. I don't want to have to do all these things. I...I can't. I don't know how. </i>
(TRANSITIONAL DOWNWARDS)
The future passed in the blink of an eye.
he slowly looked away from the clock, his eyes retaining the burning green image and projecting it onto the shadows of the far wall. still shivering, he laid back and put the blanket over him, moistening his chest and arms.
<i> and what if...who would make the arrangements? who would talk to Sister? who would make the rules of the house? who would ....who would be there? who would cover the medical expenses, and make enough money for food, a car, and support 3 people? I'm just a stupid kid, with not even 3 years of college behind my belt. I have no experience. I'm just a stupid kid.</i>
(COMPLETE THE CIRCLE)
his back spasmed as he pulled up the blanket. He winced under the covers, and shivered once more, but this time it was not from being cold.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess i'm about 1/3 done with this, and i have to stop for tonight, because i'm depressing the hell out of myself. Guess that's what happens when your writing style reflects exactly what's going on in your life.
holy fuck, i'm in for a major life change here...
i guess i was due for it though, eh? at least i'll still have my writing.
(INTRODUCE CIRCULAR SUB-STRUCTURE HERE)
the sweat made him all the more uncomfortable, as he tossed in the bed to find a more suitable position. arriving at the conclusion that no one position was more comfortable than the last, he sighed, and sat up. it took quite a bit of effort, and some strain on his stomach, which was already hurting from the previous night, when he had pulled a muscle doing one of the most mundane things in the world: walking.
(TRANSITIONAL ELEMENT)
<i> There was a time in my life where i was invincible, or so it felt like it. Didn't have to stretch before excersising. If i hurt something, it would heal within a few hours. Not anymore. I twist an ankle, and it's going to send waves of pain up my leg every time i put pressure on it for at least a week. maybe a month. Seems like it'll never go away. Even back then i knew what my future would be, i had just never expected it to come this soon. And if this is happening now, what of when i'm 30? or 40? or 50? </i>
the cool air from the fan mixed in with the sweat off his bare chest, causing him to shiver in the dark.
(INCLUSION ABOUT LOCATION DETAILS, SUPPLEMENTED BY CIRCULAR STRUCTURE/THEME)
(BEGIN BUILDUP OF PLOT POINT)
A horrfiying thought came to his head.
What if it was true? what she had said to him the other day. And then that call he was supposed to make tonight, to check up on it...
The mets game was on.
"I'm going to the hospital again."
"okay." Strike two to beltran.
"Just so you know, if anything happens, i left Chet instructions on what to do."
Ball one, low and outisde to beltran. "shut up."
The count was 1 and 2.
"I'm serious, if anything happens to me...."
Beltran chases a high fastball inside. Side retired.
"shu..shut up. nothing's going to happen."
THe commercial with the dancing gecko comes on.
"it's a very serious operation, I'm really woried about you and your sister, i just want to make sure..."
Pain in the upper right leg, again.
"I gotta go now."
"call Chet at 8:30 tomorrow night, to check up. bye, love you...!"
He sits down. The pain lessens.
"okay."
He gently placed the reciever on the phone. The padres come to bat in the 5th, and he grabbed a Busch from the cooler, laying back, letting the soreness in his shins evaporate into the air.
He looked behind him at the clock, straining his already-sore lower back muscles. The ben-gay had no effect whatosver, and he contemplated filing a lawsuit againt them for false advertising for a second, and then the thought vanished like smoke into the wind.
(CLIMAX DEVELOPMENT)
2:12 AM. He hadn't really given it much though until now, in the dark of the night, submerged in an ocean of his own sweat. What would happen if....?
Chet was already working two jobs, as a janitor. Sister was still in high school, and couldn't pull in more than minimum wage. and mother, with a full time job, she would be out of work for two months at the minimum.
At the best possible case scenario. The worst case being...
There wouldn't be anything waiting for him at home. Just unpaid bills, and second and third notices. He hadn't worked for 3 years, and money was a problem. Money was always a problem.
<i> I flashed through the images in my mind. June, july, august, all gone. Hazy days of green spent behind a cash register, just to buy enough food for the week's groceries, and to put gas in the car. A bill from the health center, for those tests and pills during finals week. a bill from the morgage company. Who was going to handle these things? I'm just a kid, goddamit. Just a stupid kid. I go to school, i come home, i want to play. I don't want to have to do all these things. I...I can't. I don't know how. </i>
(TRANSITIONAL DOWNWARDS)
The future passed in the blink of an eye.
he slowly looked away from the clock, his eyes retaining the burning green image and projecting it onto the shadows of the far wall. still shivering, he laid back and put the blanket over him, moistening his chest and arms.
<i> and what if...who would make the arrangements? who would talk to Sister? who would make the rules of the house? who would ....who would be there? who would cover the medical expenses, and make enough money for food, a car, and support 3 people? I'm just a stupid kid, with not even 3 years of college behind my belt. I have no experience. I'm just a stupid kid.</i>
(COMPLETE THE CIRCLE)
his back spasmed as he pulled up the blanket. He winced under the covers, and shivered once more, but this time it was not from being cold.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess i'm about 1/3 done with this, and i have to stop for tonight, because i'm depressing the hell out of myself. Guess that's what happens when your writing style reflects exactly what's going on in your life.
holy fuck, i'm in for a major life change here...
i guess i was due for it though, eh? at least i'll still have my writing.