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implode
05-16-2005, 08:37 AM
okay. here's a quick story: i like the deftones. chino has a wonderful voice and teams it with thoughtful lyrics (occasionally), so i was eager to hear what team sleep (chino's side project) had to offer. upon first listen, i was greeted with mellow electronica... almost a radioheadesque sound, but with chino and some guy that contrasts chino leading the way. very nice, okay. and then i reach a song called "tomb of liegia" - and it's beautiful. best song on the album, upon first listen.

entering "tomb of liegia" into google comes up with about 6,000 hits that all say the same fucking thing "tomb of liegia is based upon a poem by edgar allen poe." not ONE of these links tells you which poem it's based upon, leading you to the conclusion that chino might've mentioned it once to an audience of kids that went home and wrote about it in their blog, which scores of other kids ripped from that blog, which came to be accepted as fact. whatever. it was at this point that i realized that outside of the raven, cask of amontillado, and the tell-tale heart, i really hadn't read anything by the man who was "goth" before "goth" could be purchased with VISA. so over the past few days, i've been reading poe, and have come to the conclusion that what i wrote this morning was a direct rip of the crazy structure he employed when setting that quill to paper.

this is what i wrote this morning. it's pretty crazy.

---

it was an era in which active thinking was frowned upon. but do not misunderstand - as the concept of thought can be applied to whatever process a brain goes through whereupon a new result is inferred from prior data - but truly, to understand, you must accept that anyone who could understand what "active thinking" was would not be in charge of mandating the social implications behind it. wanting to change the channel from the remote control was not active thinking, but so many accepted it to be that it became so, just as so many had accepted that the remote control in itself was a worthy enough device to be catapaulted into the center stage. prevailing attitudes amongst specific communities have always influenced those not vital enough to distinguish an attitude all their own, and few doubted that it was better off that way.

and as such, alternative routes needed to be persued - in the form of transcontinental communication, mostly. it was a luxury that afforded "the thinker" with ample time to organize his thoughts and present them to the class, in the vein of a teacher mulling over a fascinating article in the wee hours of a sunday night. and in such a way, it conveyed an image that was not true to it's forebearer, but rather the inside of the forebearer's mind. the forebearer himself would fancy that deduction up with clever analogies about internal combustion, a topic he vaguely understood outside of the fact that he could make reference to it in an address to himself. he might say "the sum of the parts is available for scrunity at the turn of the key, but the opinion has no merit without a full day of driving under your belt."

and as was so, the thinker had very few people close to him in his own personal life. were he to bore you with the details of his ascent to nothing, you would undoubtedly be persuaded by clues to psychoanalyze his own existence, as if though life were simply a puzzle that was always complete, yet still always growing. with the right combination of pieces, a final product is always produced, and in looking backwards, you can see how the knot connects the two loose garments together and fashions them into a rudimentary sundress. he always thought this the key - if ever an onlooker could connect those pieces, trace them back, and come up with a coherent hypothesis, he feared too much insight would be available on his own existence, to the point where he'd be able to question the pieces that created the whole. and in negating the existence of integral pieces of the puzzle, would it not be true that what followed would be the genuine definition of magic that skeptics spend their entire lives caustically clamoring for? if a part disappears from a whole, what you look upon then is nothing less but a miracle of the universe - a self-sufficient structure that has no symmetry. pieces can no longer be rearranged to form a whole - should that structure ever be disassembled, it would become painfully evident that it was never a whole in the first place, but rather a mirage of false splendor that only a few moments of observation could send toppling into oblivion. the thinker knew this. the thinker thought he knew this, in any event, and though no one had ever come close to doing so (or nay, ever even attempted, outside of the example that had many a time brought him to a perilous tremble that needed the help of his knees to support the vertical constant) he both feared and cheered that one day it might, and he might have some insight on whether the sum of his parts made a whole worthy of continuing to update.

but it never came. perhaps it was the awkwardness of his interactions - he often feared that the side of himself he exposed was a paradox in itself, an unanswerable concept on the whole, yet one dangerously easy to contradict topically - and perhaps it was the haste he took to shield himself from any interaction that COULD manifest into what he looked upon as his final checkpoint on the way to the finish line. and as time went on, it became increasingly clear that this particluar mental eccentricity would unravel him from the very seams of the existence he acted so ominously in. had what he been doing every day been considered "fun" (too many interpretations of the bastard word to avoid using quotation disclaimers) he might've been able to avoid such a fate, but daily it proved so that too many unanswerable questions about a subject turned the subject into a myth, an old-wives tale that the norm of decision-making society-hounds would hardly look upon beyond it's mythical qualities. the decision-makers, he mused, do not look upon that cannot be frilled by the soft edges of the imagination. either it is black and white, or it is fantasy - there is no ground in between for which you can safely burrow yourself and regard your own being as fantastic yet worldy, a mineral of indeterminate origin that begs both speculation and observation by the scientific and empathetic communities alike! no, he thought. people are not worthy of such reverence. only that which was there before us can be regarded as an unanswerable fact.

he struggled to remember where he started. it was a pointless chore - where he started was of no consequence, only where he ended up. how to connect the two was evident in the writing directly before him, yet the connection could not be made. understood. made? surely made, as we've just traversed, it was sitting right before him. but the catalyst that shifted one contruct to another remained shrouded in mystery, and it was that catalyst that deserved the true analyzation. if you understand WHY one piece connects to another, only then can your comprehension be regarded as final. he stirred. this was the feeling of making progress that would be disregarded immediately - another paradox, in itself. why can the process of moving forward be discarded at whim, transporting you back to where you started without ever manifesting itself in physical traits?

an uneasiness fell upon him. this was the look of the outside observer - he took it upon himself to become someone far different from himself at any available instance, who would regard his deductions as infantile, or incomprehensible, or merely obvious. the outsider that he possessed in himself was never sated. were he to die right here, on the floor next to his death, the outsider would question both the grace in which he fell from his chair and the reality of the ailment inside of him that sent him toppling in the first place. he would quite literally be a skeptical observer of his own death - even the finality of the situation would be obscured by the disbelief at the sum of it's parts. he considered weeping, but scorned the thought immediately, as any bellow that first required speculatory inquiry was evidently not mature enough to be considered valid. he wrote, for the first time in minutes, on the ink stained page:

"if you cannot accept your own death, how then can you accept your own life?"

this sent his tongue into fitful spasms for a few moments. if this reality could be questioned by a reality of your own mind, where might the two realities meet? two railroads constructed independently of each other were destined to meet eventually, as long as laborers on both sides continued their work. and once the trains felt comfortable enough to leave the station, it was only a matter of time before catastrophe struck. and who would be to blame when it did? society-hounds always looked to assign blame to find comfort in tragedy. it was as if they believed that finding the cause of the tragedy was a reasonable substitute for mourning it.

he paused. this was monomaniacal thinking - all his mind eggs in one cerebral basket, so to speak in an adorably naive pretense. the answers would come were he able to stop this. to become one with the life force he claimed to strive to understand, yet never took the time to actually observe in a light equitable to understanding. he feared he did not know how - making him far simpler than he may have wished to be. if all that can be produced is merely the waste matter of a mind unfocused, than any experience that took place inside his own mind could be concluded to be waste. society burns waste. society buries waste in huge underground catacombs, willing itself to forget its existence. and socety plods on, with the same stupid smile it's had since he learned of it's concept. society, however paradoxial it might be, found a way to go on.

he realized he was standing up. wondering what may have led the action portion of his mind to this decision, he stopped with the musing - action was about to be taken, and he would not be a quiet observer of what was bound to affect his next bout of quiet observation. yet however fast he made the decision to make decisions, he was already halfway descended down the steps, inarguably headed for the front door. he tried to exercise his control over his legs and make a change of direction towards the faucet to procure a glass of water, but all for naught. the doorknob had already been turned, the humid may air biting his face with its sultry combination of displeasure and intrigue. he was headed for the garage. very little was in the garage, of this he knew, and also considered to be fitful, as there must be very little inside his own mind presently, as well. and all at once, the lock was conquered, the heavy doors swung open with one determined yank, and he observed himself from beyond himself: standing on a dirt-lined structure, hands heavy with the weight of the shovel.

implode
05-16-2005, 08:37 AM
...

he tried to comprehend what he was doing, and came to the startling realization that upon contemplation, all action ceased. was this no place for "active thinking"? in fact, not only did all action cease, but all thought that had been present upon to the moment of disbelief was gone, too! why was he standing outside, without shoes, with a shovel in his hands? was questioning what was about to occur worth the trouble of potentially never getting the answer? he decided that it wasn't, and it couldn't be, but the decision would never be looked upon again, as he had already started moving before he could phrase the question in a manner that his own mind could truly analyze. the dirt gave way with each determined spike of his shovel, much as the tenets of his own mind shamefully gave way to the infallible observations of the Observer - his own conciousness was no more advanced than dirt, he chuckled. anyone willing to exert the energy to do so COULD do so with relative ease, but moreover, finality. were the Observer not of the opinion that the hole must be refilled, incomplete his newfound conciousness would stay. the Observer was all that was right, true, and appeasable in this world. appeasing himself would accomplish nothing but providing him with that stupid grin of content he so despised, yet secretly (it is funny to use such terms in reference to ones self, as it seems to be the very same as knowing something you refuse to accept - the most fatal flaw of all.) longed for. wait! had he, just now, uncovered the truth of his endeavors? was this and all that led up to this but a myth perpetrated by a leader that begs your trust and understanding, yet secretly leads without the capacity to do so, knowing full well that his subjects may be led into oblivion by his own decision, yet still unwilling to reveal this to those subjects, for fear that they might become as restless and uncomfortable as he eternally is? wouldn't a simple beg for understanding be helpful to the cause? if he could led go of his own ego, he could sumbit for answers that he was not capable of making on his own, and in this way, growth would be procured AND the safety of the masses would be closer to assured? was what he was doing not lying to himself, but simply operating on data that he refused to validate? was this not truly the most fatal flaw of all?

he was glad that he had no associates beyond those that would never see his end, as he dangled his legs over the edge of the hole. he had done all the work in preparing a grave! a shallow one, no doubt, but the craftsmanship of your coffin is only brought into question by the living, after all. he had no weapons - he might've taken solace in this if he had: a.) understood what he was doing, and b.) not been crafty enough to overcome such a minor inconvenience. the rocky new england soil shifted beneath his body, and at once, the weeping came. slow and steady - almost like pressurized gas that has oncovered a minute pinhole in which it might escape it's captor. he knew not what was making him sad, he only knew that it was, and had he been able to record his most recent thoughts in the journal that was left opened under a spot light inside the house, he might've had a better understanding of what was about to take place.

the stone was large enough to transform his fist into a weapon that might actually be of some use in battle, should it ever take place with an entity that would be susceptible to physical attack with a blunt object. but upon the realization that any entity - ANY - must be housed inside a physically vulnerable structure, his mind became abnormally clear. he had never experienced such a calm - what would assure it forever? it was so beautiful!

the stone slid down his throat like a slug might descend down a steep hill, and all thoughts returned with a vengeance - wrong answer, he supposed. they'd find.. what was it? what WAS it? now was time to remember - without acceptance of life, death follows? without death, life was... no... he scoured - if he could get up, he could read it - it was but a walkings distance away, barely a minute beyond his present surroundings.. but everything was so dark.. it seemed to be encompassing the essence of what it was he was trying to appease. let it come? it wouldn't answer the question - it would TRANSCEND the question. headfirst. into the hole. head... first.

when she read "if you cannot accept your own death, how can you accept your own life?" in her early morning haze the next day, she nodded accordingly. how fitting that it was the same nod that would unveil itself when she learned of his demise? he would never know, and were he alive today, it would have bothered the hell out of him.

THE END.

---

aside from the fact that i can't seem to avoid sending my protagonists toppling into a hole, i think this is kind of poe-like in the sense that NOTHING IS GOING ON IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED STORY. everything takes place in the head of the protagonist, and it's only at the end that the true action is revealed, far too late to do anything about it.

so surely people will remember my name generations after i've perished, now, right? :P

good morning, guys.

MST3Kakalina
05-16-2005, 05:22 PM
good evening.


hey.

"it's" is "it is." "its" is possessive.

you throw prepositions in where they don't belong.

and i've never read even ONE poe story, so i definitely fail it. OH WAIT. i read the Red Masque of Death.

i will read some Poe and get back to you on this, as i remember that more went on in the Red Masque of Death than here.

the word choice is too grandiose. it's nice to be specific, but when your diction bloats up like Kirstie Alley (ZING) then you've gone too far. i have no idea if you meant for this to be serious or not, so that's all i'm going to say. you don't normally write like that, anyway, so i figure you were just fucking around.

Linzoy
05-16-2005, 06:24 PM
I've read every story poe's ever written, but I don't know how to compare writing styles and stuff. I couldn't grasp all of them, I didn't really know what was going on in the red masque of death. Maybe nothing is happening in most of it, it's hard to tell though.

Plode you should get a blog, people take those things seriously now. Recently a blogger got into the white house press pool. People will flock to it and you'll be the next maddox or seanbaby or something.

MST3Kakalina
05-16-2005, 06:26 PM
from what i understand, a disease manifested as a person, snuck into an opulent masquerade ball, and then messed all of the rich people's shit up.

plodeykins has an LJ. too bad he never updates it =P

implode
05-16-2005, 06:58 PM
you don't normally write like that, anyway, so i figure you were just fucking around. heh. yeah, pretty much. i was actually thinking "i'll bet i get pimp smacked if i try and compare myself to poe." nobody ever throws in a "you suck" when i post a story, and i've just sorta been... expecting it, i suppose. even though i was following the method he used and trying to be as grandoise (excellent choice of words) and over the top with it as possible. read "berenice" - it's the one i read right before i did this. the whole damned story is the protagonist talking about himself until the very end.

hey.

"it's" is "it is." "its" is possessive.

you throw prepositions in where they don't belong. would you believe that it's possible to know this and still make a bunch of mistakes with it? that's my problem. i see an "it's" and the comma just looks <i>ugly</i> and unneccesary, so i show no mercy.

Plode you should get a blog, people take those things seriously now. Recently a blogger got into the white house press pool. People will flock to it and you'll be the next maddox or seanbaby or something. :o i hate the idea of blogging, though. it's just this little shrine devoted to yourself. i'd rather just throw my stuff out there and get called a hack in a neutral setting where all contribution is equal, rather than try to maintain this facade of trying to be an entertainer.

MST3Kakalina
05-16-2005, 07:08 PM
hey 'plode.


it's an apostrophe, not a comma.


i will read Berenice RIGHT NOW.

Adnama
05-16-2005, 07:15 PM
hi. i'm not exactly new(brand-spankin' new anyway) here, but i lost my former name (BlitzkriegCurry) because the e-mail address for it no longer exists-so i've been gone for awhile, heh like anyone cares.
there is actually a lot that goes on in Poe's stories. "A Descent Into the Maelstrom" is a good example. it basically details-if you are ever stupid enough to get yourself caught in a whirlpool somewhere in remote Norway, this is how you can survive it. it's kind of amusing.
writing style-close to poe, but not quite grandiose enough. no O!s and woe is me's.
content-smacks a lot of morbid philosophy. Ayn Rand, I think you might just like her.

MST3Kakalina
05-16-2005, 07:23 PM
gah. my god. that was...really obnoxious. :: just tried reading Berenice :: i will say this, though: the protagonist is talking to himself in concrete things, most of the time. yours is more...rambling. i dunno. i can see a difference, but i can't explain it.

his poetry's nice, though. Annabel Lee is so fun to recite.

tater
05-17-2005, 10:11 AM
blargh! i had a lovely reply to this all typed up yesterday and then my login had expired. what is up with that? anyway, i ran out of time then, so i will simply reply now.

i think the difference that kobaboba sees but cannot describe is that Poe is less sci-fi. your story involves a lot of suspended disbelief. like ... not being able to control his own movements and not being concious of his own purpose. Poe spent a lot of time analyzing his own thoughts, but he was never NOT in control in a brain-tells-muscle-to-move sense.

i can see a Poe influence, but you have a ways to go before you'd be considered a knock-off.

<small>which i, personally, think is cooler anyway :)</small>

implode
05-17-2005, 11:26 AM
hey 'plode.


it's an apostrophe, not a comma.


i will read Berenice RIGHT NOW. shhhhh. quiet, you. a day spent in a cloud of smoke takes its toll.

writing style-close to poe, but not quite grandiose enough. no O!s and woe is me's.
content-smacks a lot of morbid philosophy. Ayn Rand, I think you might just like her. ehehe. i was conciously avoiding the "O!" thing. the content is really just what goes on inside my head a good 30% of the time. it was actually kind of weird turning it into a story, which is why i... didn't... really... do a good job at turning it into a story. i mean, yeah, he killed himself. whoopee. couldn't see that one coming. i actually kind of regret posting it, now - it was just supposed to be a lighthearted parody of the berenice style, but it turned out to be far from lighthearted. i agree that not all poe's stories are as such, but that's not the type of thing you bring up when drawing parallels between one style and another.

i think the difference that kobaboba sees but cannot describe is that Poe is less sci-fi. your story involves a lot of suspended disbelief. like ... not being able to control his own movements and not being concious of his own purpose. Poe spent a lot of time analyzing his own thoughts, but he was never NOT in control in a brain-tells-muscle-to-move sense. yeah. THAT, on the other hand, is an idea i've had in my head forever, and will probably revisit later, when i have an idea for a story that i actually believe needs to be told. the idea of being so deep inside your own head that you're actually removed from the physical movements you're simultaneously doing is... well... something i can understand.