Is there anything wrong with the way I think?

[the_great_gonzo]

I made the mistake of opening up about my new philosophy on life to Rachel Olmer last night. That was stupid. She acted as though I was being supercilious and conceded. As if I don't have enough issues worrying if I'm evil or not. I explained to her how I have decided to keep the little cache of wisdom I have to myself, for though I have the resources to be a friend, mediator, and problem solver to many people, why should I when they don't follow my advice and blame me for thier misfortune. I know that I've hardened and become more cynical in the past few months, and at my worst I can be so touchy that I acutally border on being a pregnant dog. But what is wrong with that? What is wrong with letting people to themselves, to wallow in thier own misery? Am I supposed to continually help people who are too stupid or afraid to follow my advice? I guess that's what it is...I tell them the truth and they don't want to hear it, so of course I become a pregnant dog. I don't want to occupy either the role of pregnant dog or martyr. I want to be left alone. I guess the most of a reaction I want from other people is "she was great once, but she's an old woman now with a heart of stone, and foolish is the person to bother her." I don't care anymore. Is there something wrong with the way I think?

[2 Balls of Glue]

What? You don't like waffles? Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo.

[Vile]

2 balls of glue.

Shut.

[Falafel]

Down?

[Poop Soda]

Why is this in the Invader ZiM General Discussion area?

[MST3Kakalina]

holy shit gonzo! good to see you 'round, but i think i'll move this on topic. it seems like it'll get the attention it deserves there.

[MST3Kakalina]

and to respond to what you said:

i've never been in the position where people ask me for advice as much as they just vent to me. since i like hearing myself talk, i usually offer something that i think is a good idea (and also because i honestly don't know how to respond to other people's problems other than to try to help them). have they ever followed it? i don't know. i don't care to keep track of such things. it's their own life they're fucking up, and it's no skin off of my nose if they do so. even for friends, you can only do so much.

i guess that's kind of selfish and callous of me, but it manages to keep things in perspective and keep me from getting TOO distraught. (because i will admit that when i see certain people follow through on ideas that i KNOW and TOLD THEM are bad ones it upsets me, to a degree)

[the_great_gonzo]

Thanks for moving it. I was really tired today and clicked on the wrong forum.

You're not callous.

But am I?

[MST3Kakalina]

i guess if i'm not, then neither are you.

though, if i had ever had any negative experiences with people bitching me out for being honest with them, i'd just stop being honest to avoid the conflict.

[the_great_gonzo]

It's not so easy. They seek you out; clamor for your advice. Makes me want to...I don't know. The past few days have been bad.

[argonaut]

Gonzo! *hugs*

I find it hard to advise you on your lack of wanting to advise others. I've never really felt that way, and I haven't a clue as to the meaning of the phrase 'pregnant dog'. My concerns have always been not knowing what to offer the friend in need. I'm a good listener, but I find it hard to offer wisdom that sounds anything but cliche.

I will say this: You need to be true to your own feelings. If you don't feel led to help someone, then don't. It's worse to force things - to offer something false - than to offer nothing at all.

(edit) Nice move, Ms. Koba. Fine bit of modding.

[taco,taco,taco]

My friends used to always run to me crying looking for advice until I just cracked one day. I couldn't handle it any more, and with a good amount of counsiling and yelling at people, I finally got into a more relaxed state of mind. Have you ever heard that song by the Beatles called "let it be"? it changed my whole perspective and out-look. Sometimes of course people really do need some good counsil like, for instance, when someone is feeling sucidal or some other life altering ordeal is there, then advice away, but if it isn't a big deal send them off by telling them that "whatever happens, happens and there isn't anything much else you can do about it". Fate happens whether we like it or not and we have the choice to suck it up and drive on, or wallow in dispair. So, if you don't HAVE to give advice, don't. And, if you get persecuted for it, it's no big deal because you tried. If they come to you for advice, they just need to accept whatever advice it is you give them. If they don't like it, too bad, it's thier problem, not yours.

[Vile]

You seem devilishly intelligent for someone with "taco" in their name. What gives?

[Gabriel Syme]

Well... for me......

I'd prefer to give advice, even if they wouldn't listen.

It's a never-ending battle, but it's one that I'd fight, and one that has been fought for ages before. Socrates likened himself to be the gadfly in the side of the Athenians when he constantly gave them advice, especially since they themselves led lives that they were screwing up. Of course, he had himself killed in the process, but that's just one example. We can't really choose what we want to become, be it martyr or 'pregnant dog'. We believe that we are in control of these things, but, sometimes, these facade disappears.

Of course, if they don't follow my advice, and blame me for it, I'd have to take it in my stride. I know I'd be one who'd pick up a fight over that issue, but, what's the point ? We can only try, and I'd rather try. Nothing is ever wasted, really.

Lastly, that's all my opinion, but I never believe that anything is wasted. Especially if it's trying to give good advice.

[MST3Kakalina]

You seem devilishly intelligent for someone with "taco" in their name. What gives?
mm. not quite. a few too many spelling errors for me to be convinced.


(edit) Nice move, Ms. Koba. Fine bit of modding.

she takes the thread down the 40, the 30, fakes out number 42 and it's daylight all the way to the endzone! TOUCHDOWN!

[the_great_gonzo]

Thanks for all of your advice, and I'll put it in my o-so-empty wisdom storehouse. Now my problem is figuring out if I'm really a bad person. It's just my bf's mom....she seems to want me to die....or at least break my leg (which I can quote her on)....eh, maybe I am the vile seductress that she says I am and I am brainwashing her son against her.....dunno...anyway, shutting up now.

[Dr. Badman]

Ha. Who decides if you're a bad person or not? Just do what you do - some will hate you, others will love you. At least you'll know that those who love you do so in a more genuine way.

The other thing just sounds like an over-protective parent.

Tell her you're pregnant. It'll be funny...

[tater]

egads! it's gonzo! *big grin goes here* good to see you around again. sorry i missed your first post. things have been .. busy.

it makes me sad to see you giving up. it is by far your right and priviledge to do so and you are not wrong or evil. it's just a sad thing.

advice is rarely followed. i sometimes wonder if it was ever really meant to be. after all isn't advice simply our opinions of someone else's situation? there's no garuntee that our thoughts are correct. it took me five years and almost losing a best friend to learn that.

i could never turn away from giving advice and trying to help people. that's what makes me happy. so i had to learn to be a passive helper. give advice, but don't expect them to take it. you can't get upset when others don't like your opinions, even if they did ask for them. give what they ask and let them deal with the rest. after all it's thier life and the best we can hope for is to be able to take some of the pain after the inevitable fall. what else are friends for other than to watch the rise, cushion the fall and help pick up the pieces.

as for your boyfriend's mother ... woah. sounds like she's blaming her lack of parenting on you. try not to let it effect you too much. she's probably just jealous that he actually pays attention to you. and it certainly doesn't mean that you're a bad person.

[the_great_gonzo]

I guess I should update this by saying I haven't comepletely given up. Last night my best friend Jess ran away from home after her mom found out she was planning to go to the alternative prom tonight (a prom for gay, lesbian, bisexual people and thier allies). Jess' mom is ultra conservative and went off on her. She ended up running three miles to my house, crying all the way. I was upset to see her like this at two in the morning, but I'm glad she came to me. So I guess that if I am still a symbol of stability and comfort for some people, then I am accomplishing something.

[the Worms]

what is your philosophy on life?

Frankly, giving advice is, in a way, telling the person that you know better than she does about the subject. It would not be unfair to interpret that as conceited in many situations.

[MST3Kakalina]

Frankly, giving advice is, in a way, telling the person that you know better than she does about the subject. It would not be unfair to interpret that as conceited in many situations.

only if the advice is unsolicited.