Why can't we be friends?

[töm]

On a messageboard profile...
<fieldset><legend>Interests</legend>Music, hanging out with friends, causin' trouble, wrestling, girls, having fun.</fieldset>
On an LJ User Info page...
<fieldset><legend>Interests</legend>acting, ballet, boys, friends, hip-hop, music, shopping.</fieldset>

Boys.

Girls.


Not people. But objects. Interests. Goals. Not people.


What's up with that? Society trains us to treat "boys" and "girls" as polar opposites, like north and south, up and down, quality entertainment and <i>Sci-Fi</i>, comedy and <i>Comedy Central</i>. And that we should be wary of one another. "We're not alike, stick to your own heard and gawk and gossip about the others."

I know that is not nearly as true for this community, but in general, through my observation at least, it seems like it's held by many folks.

You know that Dr. Dobson, at least some of you, and your anger flares at him. Well, you might know the fable about him: he claims that he is never alone with a woman other than his wife. Ever. Oh, the temptation, he declares. Of what? That inside all women are seductive whores? That inside all men are horrid rapists? Either the case, that we're different, and nothing can reconcile that? Don't even try.


So what are you thinking? Are the boys the boys and the girls the girls, and there reasonably ought to be some kind of security fence between them? Or can the two be the friends?

As for me, I think it's a narrow-minded view of the world and gender relations. Demeaning and devaluing for every side. Before men and women, we're human beings. All with their certain quotas for human contact, from it doesn't matter where. It should especially ring clear with the actually-there-are-more-than-two-genders crowd.

It just adds divisiveness. It's sexual harassment.



<i>And I won't stand for it.</i>










this thread looked better in my head.

[steffi]

society exaggerates physical and mental/emotional differences between the genders as we grow up as children. cooties, dolls, sports, dresses...

all my best friends are guys, but I do have a fear of getting raped... but I think that stems from other things. you know. whatever. who knows?

[Dr. Badman]

Humans are horrible creatures that want to rob you, fuck you and kill you. They wear a variety of physical and mental shells to hide their intentions.

No exceptions.

[Davey Rootbeer]

We define ourselves as indivisuals based on highlighting the differences between ourselves and others. We're always seeking to define outselfes, who we are, as a solid point upon which we can measure progress. and the only way to actually define something is to compare it to other things.

note that In cultures where there is little to no concept of self, there is also very little sexual dimorphism: physically, and socially.

[MST3Kakalina]

it's all part of an elaborate mating game we have set up.


remain as elusive and mysterious as you can to the other side so they'll stay intrigued.



or whatever, that's just my theory.

[Awesome McManly]

*practices looking mysterious to the opposite sex*

...

Is it working?

[deadish]

i always find this a difficult subject. most of my life has been spent right here on the internet where most of the time one isn't directly confronted with the barrier that might be presented by the physical presence of sex or race or age or whathaveyou.. i've always just grown to like people based solely on their personalities everything else be damned. (when i was fifteen one of my favourite people to talk to online was a gay 59 year old man.)
i suppose it also helps me that i don't think about sex. when people put that they like 'boys' or 'girls' in their profiles they're saying yeyilikesexualprospects. i... don't. i might as well be an AI sitting here. :D so many people are just hung up on sex and 'finding their true loves' or maybe a random string of one night stands.. i just want to find amusing people with common interests who like to shoot the breeze about nothing.

so.. la. i like to be genderblind. when i'm talking with all of you guys it never occurs to me to think that one is female and one is male. you're just.. you guys. :3

[Awesome McManly]

for the record....

I'm both ;)

[cyberen]

I for one am cursed with a sex drive that can make things more difficult when my temptation is to notice who's fuckable, however that doesn't stop me from having female friends. Seems most of my online friends are female, anyhow, with the males they're more like buisness associates that I've worked with at one time or another. Anywho, er, there are many different kinds of friendships and one based on enjoyable discussion is important, any complimenting I could give the other person on their physical appearance is helpful if I've ran out of things to say. It seems that in order to find a good friend, I have to look for someone who really interests me, and if they're cute, naturally that'll help, but obviously I can't just talk about looks all the time.

[leatherface]

A majority of my real-life friends are female or homosexual males, odd huh? I really believe the only difference between the male and females I am friends with is physical.

[Magenta]

I know too many people who could put "boys" under their interests. I have had friends who, after breaking up with boyfriend #732, tell me they just "need a boyfriend"... they don't actually LIKE anyone, they just want a boyfriend.

That's where I draw the line and say "You, ma'am, have a problem!"

(At which point they reply "yes, I do. So do you know anyone I could date?")

[~V+]

MAGENTA CAN I SMEL YOUR HARE

[Magenta]

*snips little wisps off from the top of my head to sell as "souvenirs"*

[Liz]

Not reading this thread at all, but just getting a general gist....

Whenever a girl does anything that is not the polar opposite of a boy, she is considered a lesbian. Girls who rebel against the female gender role (feminists) often follow the male gender role. This seems ridiculous and shallow to me since either way you're following a gender role. And yet both roles are necessary to function as a society. We need SOMEONE to watch the kids, whether it's mom or dad a babysitter or an orphanage. And we need SOMEONE to run things and support the kids. Someone's gotta do some of these gender roles at some point, and yet I wish we could just recreate them, there is so much unbalance between the roles and so much disturbance from people rejecting them that I think there is a bit of chaos there.

I don't know what I am saying.

[implode]

it's 6:45, which means "five minutes to leave if i wish to be only ten minutes late to work", so i'll contribute the sentence that popped into my head now and save the real response for... any time but now.

last night, matt said "if it weren't for sex, i'd totasally (s and all) be gay. i could just hang around with my friends and play video games all day." and while this is generally a simple conclusion that any unskilled laborer can and has already come to, i was expecting his girlfriend (who was sitting next to us both) to get angry at that comment. like, what, the only reason you spend your days with me and not him is because you can visualize me naked when conversation gets boring? but she didn't. she just sat there. which surely means something that twenty more sentences might outline.

personally, i tend to be closer to my girl-friends (hyphen signifies lack of l & f sexual contact) than my guy friends. all most guys ever talk about is fucking or how they'd like to fuck shit up, you fucker. girls are generally deeper than that, regardless of it's the depths of pettiness or not. they have more to offer, conversationally. and. 6:49 looms. a-buh-bye.

[the Worms]

Unfortunately, with gender roles, it is so difficult to tell what is natural and what is a product of society that I don't think it is logically sound to clearly define any sort of exact role, save to say that the physical difference make it necessary that there be social differences also.

That said, I also think that any one friendship is different from any other, and that there are similarities and differences between them. In other words, the relationships I have with men are markedly different from those I have with women, even if they are all just friends, without any sexual aspect.

And I find you to be incorrect on the trends you see in men and women, implode. Depth is not a matter of gender, but of genetics (the smart-gene), society and personal choice. I know both men and women that I think are more intelligent than I am; it just all depends on the atmosphere. Perhaps women open up to you more because you treat them differently.