What makes me, me.

[whodaimen]

############################# 7:00AM
I've been up all night.
#############################
I really, really, horribly, need to get this out of my head righ tnow, out of the back of my mind, out of the pit of my stomach, and the only place to do so is here.

But before, I delve in, let me say, Fuck off ~V+, I dont want to see any "OMFG WHO IS A FAGGURT" replies. Fart replies are fine, ex, "OMG I FART3D". But no gay replies. thanks.


And so it begins, a rather large, story of what makes me, me. And why I horribly crave you guys because you actually talk to me.



I really am horrible at starting paragraphs and stories and such, so I'm going to use that opening bit of mock humor to prop up this whole story. My name is Brian, and I grew up in San Luis Obispo, california. (Don't you love how I capatalized the home town, and yet not the state?). From farthest back I can remember, my Father, lived in Avila Beach (7 miles give or take from the afformentioned SLO), and my Mother, lived in SLO. I spent multiple years, traveling back and forth between houses. My father, was the largest uber christian you could ever meet. He spent all of his days, reading the bible, over and over again. And spending time with my stepmother Lisa. I have now officially decided to split this into two sections, Home life and School life, to avoid the strendous typing of "and at school" About 500 times throughout this.





SCHOOl LIFE:
I will write this one out first, as it is easier, and less stressfull to remember.

(i started this like an hour ago, just got back from making pancakes, yay). I'll start as furthest back I can remember, which is kindergarden. I remember going back and forth from mother and fathers at the time, spending most of my time at my mothers, who had custody. Shed get weekdays, dad would get everyother weekend, i THINK. (starting to feel sick from pancakes) I used to go to the 'garden everyday and have a generally good time, I'd bite people, kick girls, not learn, and LOVE clay time. I remember i had no real big friends, except for a few in the mobile home park I lived in at the time, and the kids who were around there. My friend Carlos, wierd kid, big ears I thiink, bit duckfooted, went to school with me. I remember figuring that out one day after hanging out at his house for like a month. Iwalked up to him, he was sitting in the sand, and I LITERALLY knocked on the back of his head, like a door. He looked up, and from then on he was my mutual friend. I used to ride the bus home, and one day this 5th grader told me to show my penis to everyone on the bus once a day if I wanted to be cool, and he gave me five bucks. So every day, I used to basically sit there, showin my penis, to everyone. Until eventually, I got a referal. Long story short, it kept happening, eventually I got kicked off the bus. I'm not even sure if there WAS a kid who told me to do it. there had to have been, because a 5 year old would have no reason to do that on ones own. (feeling a bit better pancake wise).


First grade. I was in the same school I was in the previous year, same stuff really. The penis thing went on through this grade aswell. About this time, i started really acting out, because the divorce was really getting to me. So, after several more biting binges, I was sentenced to special ed.

#################################
At this point, after a talk with my mother, I showed my penis to kids sitting next to me, because I used to see my father and Lisa doing that. i'll get into them later
#################################'

Second, and third grade. SPECIAL ED.

I wasn't really emotionally disturbed, or retarded for that matter. No, i was just really horribly upset and confused. I was leagesr above all the other fucktards in leagues and studies. When kids would try to hit the teacher, the teacher would spin around behind them, and take both there arms, crossed, across their chest, and hold them behind their back, so they couldnt move. Like this

( )
\\//
//\\

I used to get that done to me alot. eventually they gave me this little card thing. Hang on, at the end I'll take a picture of it for posterity. On one side, it said "Exhausted" and on the other, "content" or happy, or something. When you flip it to exhausted, you could take a break from school , and do whatever you wanted. LITERALLY. I'm not fucking joking. i used to turn it upsid edown and go play outside the whole, fucking, day. Then eventually they made a list of things you could do, and how many times, etc, etc. It got to where i spen tMOST of the day doing other things besides school. i had a few friends, all fucktards. This one kid, cory, I saw in junior high few years ago, he looked the same, still in special ed, and got in trouble for bringing a book that had pictures of knives in it to school. He always liked weapons. Eventually they let me out of the loony class, and "Mainstreamed" Me into a regular third grade class.

#######################################
after checking the fridge There is NO little retard card left, sorry guys, it had a smile on one side, and a frowning constapated guy on the other
#######################################
Its 8:33 AM. I've decided That I'm going to post this now. Please dont reply to it. I'm going to keep replying myself, until I havef finished. When I say I'm done. then please post. I'm really just asking this of you guys.

[whodaimen]

Mainstream third grade.
I went into ms boatmans class. Her husband was a hunter. She brought bear soup in once, and his razor arrows. He didn't use guns, rather use a bow. Pfft. I was much better in third grade. Had fun, read sonic da hedgehog comics. Had younge love, fighted over said love. Life was good. This was when my father had custody on weekdays. Or was it my mother. I think it alterated, I don't remember too well. I spent a great deal of my time playing soccer, or complaining about cafateria food. I remember, every day the lunch lady would put a sticker on the bottom of a cafateria plate, and whoever got that sticker, would get this big asss cookie the size of your head. It was fun while it lasted. Then the next year I went to my next post, which will be Bellevue Sante Fe Charter school. For 4th, and 5th grades.

[whodaimen]

Faggot i am ~v+, I knew I could depend on you posting something I knew if I said not too. Touche. Regardless I'm continueing. I really need to get this out no matter who reads it really.

[whodaimen]

Ok so, As i was saying.

4th&5th grade at BFSCS

In fourth grade I did not act out AS much. I spent a good deal of time ignoring the teachers and hanging out with my greatest friend ever, Casper, who I hope dear god is not reading this. We used to spend day in and day out drawing comics to eachother, and with this AZN kid named Simon. He drew bomberman comics, we used to just kinda shrug at him. Those were my greatest school years ever, to date. I used to steal pizza, break swining records, put virusus on school computers. All sorts of fun things. 5Th grade however, sucked. Casper was in 3rd when i met him, it was a 3 and 4th grade class mix so, he was not in my 5th grade one. I missed him, and spent my time being horribly picked on by the girls because I had yellow teeth. One day, If I remember right, this girl, christianna I think, put her hand out to grab a paper of mine, she used to think I was trying to kill her for some COMPLETELY UNEXPLAINED REASON. I went to slap her hand like kids do, when I totally stabed her with my pencil by actual accident, swear it on my life. It broke through skin, like barely, im tlaking less then 1/8th a centimeter. She bled a TINY BIT then I got suspended for like 2 weeks. After that everyone thoguht i was a murderer. Things cooled down a bit, until my friend casper drew a comic called THE GUY. the pricible though tit was THE GAY. So we both got in trouble. I bought and brought to school a little disk shooter gun to school. I never actually shot it, I jsut wanted to show capser how kewl it was, it shot those helicopter things into the air. I got suspended for 3 weeks, and every day after that the princible looked inside my backpack for weapons. Alot of other things happened, but I won't really go into it. After this i have to explain the horrible part of this story. When I lived in oakland.

[whodaimen]

But first, I'm going to wait for V to say how gay I am.

[whodaimen]

THERE it was. Ok I can begin my new post now

[whodaimen]

I'm still technically In the school section. so i can continue along those lines. 6th grade was homeschool, crapy homeschool. I didn't really do any work actually, just stayed at home and read the bible by force in oakland. I can't go into that now though because thats at home. 7Th and 8Th grade where at junior high. Relativly fine, no problems. i had to leave school and go homeschooled because of a tooth infection, which made me unable ot be around kids as much. I was homeschoole duntil now, the end of ninth grade. It's fine. Easy, and I make straight A's and I do the same curriculum as the other students.

Now before my next post let me go ahead an dhand it over to V to say fag.

EDT:

where was he? He was SUPPOSED TO SAY FAG.

[whodaimen]

i'm going to go to sleep now. So please post whatever. I don't care though, I'll keep posting until i'm done anyway. I really need to let this shit out, as it gets really depressing. Ill wait up in 8 hours or so, and ill post the rest then. Please dont close/delete this thread, as it really is offtopic, and as afformentioned i need to write this shit down. Bye bye.


Thanks for the support ~v+

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

I was editing wikipedia with images of goatse and shit.


by the way, I found new images of the goatse man.


go on wikipedia.org and search for "wikitorial".

[Shaman King]

Move to ontopic?

[Shaman King]

I was editing wikipedia with images of goatse and shit.


by the way, I found new images of the goatse man.


go on wikipedia.org and search for "wikitorial".
Aw, you ass-hat, I have to go fix that now.

[Linzoy]

Where is the wikitorial?

Unfortunately, we have had to remove this feature, at least temporarily, because a few readers were flooding the site with inappropriate material.

Thanks and apologies to the thousands of people who logged on in the right spirit.Failed.

[Shaman King]

Failed.
I think he's suggesting that he's the one who goatse'd the wikitorial.

[whodaimen]

Yeah move to ontopic.

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

I made the news lol


http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-wiki21jun21,1,5888239.story?ctrack=1&cset=true

[Linzoy]

You have to register to read that.

[Shaman King]

The first bugmenot username for that site was "fucklatimes."

Unsurprisingly, that didn't work.

The Los Angeles Times has canceled a novel Internet feature that allowed readers to rewrite an editorial on the newspaper's website, after some users sabotaged the site with foul language and pornographic images.

The newspaper launched the experimental "wikitorial" Friday and killed it early Sunday after an unknown user or users posted explicit photos.

ADVERTISEMENT
An announcement on the newspaper's website, http://www.latimes.com , said the feature had been removed "at least temporarily, because a few readers were flooding the site with inappropriate material."

But managers of the newspaper's editorial and Internet operations, which have undergone a number of changes in recent months, said they might attempt to resurrect online editorials written collectively by readers.

"As long as we can hit a high standard and have no risk of vandalism, then it is worth having a try at it again," said Rob Barrett, general manager of Los Angeles Times Interactive.

The feature introduced by The Times editorial page last week relied on the same "open source" software used by other "wikis" on the Internet. The technology allows multiple users to write and rewrite a single Web page.

The form's communal spirit has made the online encyclopedia "Wikipedia" tremendously popular and spawned imitators.

Editors said they believed that The Times was the first major U.S. newspaper to invite readers to "wiki" on its website.

An essay that introduced the feature Friday acknowledged that some believed that the experiment could prove an embarrassment.

Nearly 1,000 users registered to participate in the rewriting of Friday's lead editorial. Called "War and Consequences," the piece argued for the U.S. to set goals for training Iraqis to replace U.S. troops in Iraq and for the firing of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld if those goals were not met.

Although marred by some profanity by contributors, the experiment got off to a fairly high-minded start, said Michael Newman, deputy editor of the editorial page, who proposed the wikitorial idea.

Voluntarily overseeing part of the discussion was Wikipedia founder Jim Wales, who soon encouraged "forking" the editorial into two pieces — one taking a pointed anti-war stance and the other arguing for the ongoing U.S. presence in Iraq.

After midnight Saturday, Newman said, he stopped monitoring the site for the night, and later the pornographic images began to pour in.

One image that was repeatedly posted is infamous on the Internet for its depiction of a man's private parts.

Barrett said he was called about 4 a.m. at home, and he ordered the feature shut down immediately.

Wikis could be brought back to The Times website, he said, but perhaps with a limited group of contributors or with a Times employee reviewing text changes before they could be displayed.

Some traditionalists who work on the editorial pages had expressed skepticism about an unregulated dissection of an editorial.

But Dan Gillmor, previously a technology writer for the San Jose Mercury News, said in his Internet blog that The Times deserved "credit for trying."

He blamed the "bottom feeders" for polluting the experiment and said the newspaper should try again because "in the end, there are more good people than bad — and eventually the good folks would have made the vandalism a pointless exercise."

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

gay.

register anyways.

[Liz]

hey, what is this thread about?
I am too lazy to read it.

[robot]

http://livejournal.com

maybe someone there will care what you and your friends did in the fourth grade

[RCCC]

I used to be fucked up in school, all the way until the 9th grade when my behavior helped me fail. I used to bring water balloons to school and get my friends to throw them off the balcony with me, and not just water balloons, but party balloons which you could put over a gallon of water in, this is one of many. But I shouldn't go on and tell all the dumb things I have done and all the horrible things in my life, and what makes me, me.

But thanks for sharing whodaimen, it is always good to see people get stuff off there chest and tell people, I think it is healthy for a person.

[tater]

Aww, c'mon robot, give the kid a break. There is nothing wrong with wanting to talk about shit and it's quite clear that this board is the only place that there is even a modicom of possibility that anyone will care.

I remember quite a few times that writing out a life story was more than acceptable here. I kind of miss that. Sure, he could just be looking for attention, but most people are. Unless there is a good chance that he whole story is made up (I wouldn't know, I've been gone a lot), I say let him have his thread. You never know, someone might care.

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

I wouldnt have called him a fag if he didnt make such a big deal about it in the first post.


but now, I'm never gonna let him live it down.

[when you are the moon]

One image that was repeatedly posted is infamous on the Internet for its depiction of a man's private parts.

Ahahahaha. The LA Times got goatse'd.

[robot]

ontopic?

on what topic

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

THE TOPIC OF DIX

[MST3Kakalina]

V, back off. i know it was stupid of him to be like "OMG V DONT FLAME ME" but give the kid a break, aye?

[when you are the moon]

What the hell is going on in this thread? Is this a combination of two or more threads and a bunch of deleted ~v posts, or what?

[MST3Kakalina]

no, i think this is pretty much as is. unless i missed something while i was out putzing around Gamla Stan and playing Simpsons Hit & Run?

[when you are the moon]

Goddamn, I love that game.

[MST3Kakalina]

me too. i don't know why i never bought it for my own GC. playing XBox makes me feel so...dirty.

[ln_e_is_1]

That game rocks. I so need to retire. My wife and I have yet to beat that game. And I still have San Andreas, Vice City, and GTA III to beat. Haven't even started Final Fantasy X yet. ARGGGGG!!!!!

[whodaimen]

before you start playing, tha main character tidus, its pronounced TEEDUS.

Fuck eh?

[whodaimen]

Now, let me state for the record that I don't care what you all think to be honest. But I do need to get it out so that you all have an actual representation of who I am. Plus, I have not remembered most of this for a very, very, very, veryyyy. long time.


So I suppose this would technically begin home life.

as far back as I can remember my parrents were divourced. my father used to have this lady named Lisa come over, and i'd always hear these CLAPING noises in there. Whenever I went to my mothers, I was pampered, with basicallys anything, because she wanted me to like it there more. My dad had the control over me emtionally wise, because the bible told me to, and he used to force me to read it 8 hours a day. He used to "spank me" whenever I did something wrong, but I'm not talking you know, basic things, I'm taking a broken ping pong pattle. He would leave really big bruises, all purpe and black the size of my head. My mother brought him to court a few times, nothing ever happened, he got full custody because I said I wanted to be with him because i just had that in my head. I didnt have any friends in avila really. I used to go down to the beach, which was a block or two away, and mooch for food and money.
Most of the time tourists and things would give me a hotdog or something, I'ts fairly vague. i used to go down to the payphone, and talk to my mother. As all this was going on, eventually lisa got into a relationship with him. She was an obvious druggie, constantly PURPOSEFULLY showing her tits to people. One of them was atually bent off to one side really. She dropped speed infront of me once, i thought it was those things you throw at the ground that go pop.
i threw it and it just kind spilled crap on the floor. I thought it was broken. Lisa would see other guys, dad would banish her, then take her back a week later. He'd like throw all her clothes out the windows, then a week later take her back. My dad said that he had to forgive her, so he did. And eventually married her. there were still problems after that.



This is the part of the story that I needed to type out, the end of it really. My trip to oakland and after it.

My dad gave out all his money to the churches, and we totally got broke. My dad took off for a week. he SAID he went to a job interview in san fransisico, don't know. He literally took off and just left. when he came back, he like came to my school which mom put me in during that week, scooped me up, and just took off with me. Mom was angry. i didnt know very much. He took me to oakland because he literally, gave a million dollars to benny hinn. We lived with his father. In a pee soaked house from the 50s, possibly 40s. it was falling apart, crappy, a gay guy, my uncle. Lived there. he lived in a tent so that we could have a room, now that I think about it, thats really nice of him. My grandma was there too, she was beginning to walk again, she made the place smell like pee. she was crazy too, used to shake the rosery at me. I made a habit of making demon faces at her for fun. for a while me and dad shared that room and its bed, until lisa came. I had to sleep ont he couch from then on out.

My mom still had no clue where I was, for like 2 months. Eventually she found out, and i think she served him with papers. I still lived there though. I remember being horribly lonely in that house, i had no friends. I used to write things to casper alot, my friend from school, but it was hard to keep that up, because of the mail system. nothing to do. I was malnourished as hell. I did eat, but nothing sweet, and the body needs sweet things so I never really grew. I remember, my uncle johnny, and without sounding racist, the gay one, used to sneak me candy. I really loved him for that. Mom said i should not have been around him because he was gay. She was just racist. Grandpa had an illegal tennant downstaris named Kert? I think. Yeah im preety sure it was kert. He had a job at a bycleshop and was a pothead 30 or so year old. he looked it atleast. he used to let me borrow movies from him. and play his PS2. He had a big as mastiff rotweiler. Named Bear. He bit me on the nose several times, each time drew blood and a little scab. Nothing really sreious.

One day my dad and lisa had a BIG fight, she like scratched three long big grooves in his face. He got steadily more angrey with her. The fuzz came and took his car, and this was the time I was doing the star test things. I took the bus at that point, all the way to downtown oakland. One dad dad was so mad with her, he just took off, out the door. I ran after him, after lisa said I should. I liked her saying that. He stayed the night.

[whodaimen]

I forgot to add that this mexican kid miguel in our trailer park with my mother, tricked me into sucking his cock every day for like a week, because I saw my dad doing that with lisa. Eventually I learned it was wrong, and that has haunted me ever since really. so technically i was molested, he used to pull my hair. I screamed one day. end of that.

[whodaimen]

When dad took off after he stayed that one night. he left for three days, died on the third. I used to wish he would die. Until he did. thats always really hurt me to know that. I just blocked it all out like a vacuum, all at once. just kinda went into OMFGWTF mode. I was not allowed to tell my mother. for some reason. I called casper, told him. God i love casper. So, three days afterards. that dog bear right. he bit my nose off. great. I got big ass stitches, 45 of em. Looked like a caterpillar on my nose. I'll never forget going to the funurel, and seeing his dead body just there, and how much i just wanted him to leap up and give me a hug. I was 12 at the time he died. I went home after that, and played playstation to block it out more. Mom came and got me at one point. and then thats it really. I havnt thought nor discussed it until now, and I needed too. so thats that. eventually we sued the dog owner, i get 50k when I grow up. yay me. i feel guilty for not remembering my dads fa e very well because i blocked itout.you dont know whats its like to have basically all your life, just blocked out. Can't remember it. Until a picture makes you remember.

My teeth got infected from the dog bite like a year afterwards. Theyre fine now though. Damn dog bit throug my lip to my gum. My mother and I live here now, just kinda mutual nothingness. I block out all my problems now, and so right now. I can say in full consciousness:

~v+? I know not who this ~v+ is.



P.S. I'm surprisingly not gay

the end. :ami:

[pussycat]

before you start playing, tha main character tidus, its pronounced TEEDUS.

Fuck eh?
I hope you aren't basing that on the japanese pronunciation? because then it would be like chidasu or something, depending on how they spelled it katakana-wise, and if you romanize it then it would be pronounced in the traditional way.

[whodaimen]

the japanese creater was on the screen savers, he said teedus several times.

[pussycat]

I don't think you understand what I'm saying, but okay.

[whodaimen]

i do

[pussycat]

the simple sound of tee + dus can't be created with the japanese language. I've read it's written as tiida (though I'd like to see the katakana for it.) so if you want to be a specific anal retentive pain in the ass, you should actually do it right.

[töm]

amazon.jp　denizens agree on <big>ティーダ</big>.

hey guys. and wikipedia says,

<big>ティーダ</big>
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;主人公。ザナルカンドのブリッツボールチーム"ザナルカンド・エイブス"のエース。召喚士ブラスカのガード・ジェクトの息子。実は夢のザナルカンドの住人のため、存在していない。 名前が変更可能であることもあり、他のキャラクターが彼を呼ぶときの呼び方はいろいろ（名前で はなく"キミ"や"お前"など）。 CV:森田成一

[pussycat]

oh, you. :<3: