the_great_gonzo
06-24-2005, 01:54 PM
At least I don't have a shortage of friends/teachers. Read it. It's actually enlightening. At least it was for me. Maybe it will help you understand just who I am a little bit better. If you wanted to. I'm not saying you have to or anything. But I'm sort of interested in wether or not you think I'm nuts.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I established myself as the leader of an entire social clique.
Fraulein elle: I was that for a while.
Fraulein elle: But that left me open to soul eaters
Fraulein elle: all of them nearly killed me
Fraulein elle: they're weak by themselves, but when they get together they can knock the shit out of me
SuiginFlairMZDM: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=garretteers&r=f
SuiginFlairMZDM: Soul eaters?
Fraulein elle: so I've retreated into the background
Fraulein elle: already read it and I'm ready to sign up
Fraulein elle: you know, people who suck the energy out of you and steal pieces of your soul
SuiginFlairMZDM: I will have to fetch you for an initiation sometime this month.
SuiginFlairMZDM: How about you beat the shit out of them?
SuiginFlairMZDM: I've never had that problem.
Fraulein elle: most people say soul vampires but I despise the term
Fraulein elle: I don't know. I'm too nice.
Fraulein elle: I always want to help.
Fraulein elle: Mistake.
Fraulein elle: But 'm better now.
Fraulein elle: Just had to do power raising for two days straight.
SuiginFlairMZDM: http://www.livejournal.com/users/echthros/51488.html
Fraulein elle: If I hadn't, I think I would have died, or turned into something else.
Fraulein elle: I've also been battling demons from within and without lately.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I've had existential problems, but I endure through anything no matter what. I have a Silver Star.
Fraulein elle: Eh. My shields don't suck. I leave myself open cause I'm stupid
SuiginFlairMZDM: Read the next paragraph
Fraulein elle: I rad it all
Fraulein elle: My problem is this:
Fraulein elle: I try to take the negative energy into myself and negate it, so it doesn't go on causing problems for other people. But sometimes I get in over my head.
Fraulein elle: I guess I should let it all be reflected, as that is probably the three fold rule enacting itself
Fraulein elle: But I'm too bloody nice
Fraulein elle: I'm not a white witch, but I'm not a black one either
Fraulein elle: I'm gray
SuiginFlairMZDM: I take negetive energy and... keep it negetive and use it.
Fraulein elle: No. That is evil. And I cannot do that, and you know it. We've been tyhrough this before. I am not evil, and I never will be.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Using negetive energy = evil?
Fraulein elle: And what is this Silver Star you speak of?
Fraulein elle: Yes.
SuiginFlairMZDM: What exactly is negetive energy, then?
Fraulein elle: Sending negative energy to harm others is EVIL.
SuiginFlairMZDM: The seventeenth tarot.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Oh, I never said I do that.
Fraulein elle: Well, then how would you use it?
Fraulein elle: (and you've professed to being evil so scuse me for jumping to conclusions)
SuiginFlairMZDM: For anything that needs Severe energy... Every time anything happens, something else doesn't happen. Every creation, good and bad, is born of infinite destruction.
Fraulein elle: Negative energy is the force most people think of when they think of "evil". You forget, I am not a magician, I am a witch. We see things differently. How can something be born of infinite destruction? Pleas explain these statements to me further.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Whenever something happens, something else could have happened.
SuiginFlairMZDM: So those other thing which could have happened must all be sacrificed for what does happen.
SuiginFlairMZDM: So for one thing to happen, the infinite other possibilities are destroyed.
Fraulein elle: I don't look at it so practically. I don't see things being destroyed way. So anyway, you're saying that these destroyed alternate possibilites are what negative energy is born of?
SuiginFlairMZDM: "Negative energy" is too ambiguous. I don't have any good or evil, the closest thing I can equate is creative or destructive.
Fraulein elle: Well, from what I was taught and beleive, the source of negative energy is baneful thoughts and intentions that beings generate. That is why I see negative energy as being evil.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Baneful, destructive, yeah.
SuiginFlairMZDM: *Points up* That is the destructive process of Saturn, so great that it is considered the greatest "malefic." But it is really the germ of all creation as well. That is why Saturn is also Time, because the passing of Time is the choosing and unchoosing of all possibilities.
Fraulein elle: Just because certain things happen doesn't mean other things do not happen. I cannot agree with that school of thought.
SuiginFlairMZDM: It's just at this point. But I don't agree with any school of thought. *Shrug*
SuiginFlairMZDM: Aside from that, destruction is as necessary for "good" as creation. While you "create" good, you also "destroy" evil.
Fraulein elle: I'm just glad that all the soul eaters around me do not realize they are soul eaters. If I had all of them intentionally going after me, I would need reinforcements. But as it is, they aren't aware of thier doings. They'll probably figure out what they do later in thier lives if they ever figure it out at all.
SuiginFlairMZDM: For the record, I'm not really a villian ^.~
Fraulein elle: They're so weak internally, they feed on others.
Fraulein elle: Disgusting.
Fraulein elle: I know.
Fraulein elle: I would have known before you said anything.
Fraulein elle: I've told you you weren't evil in the past.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I know~
Fraulein elle: I'm so bored...I want to get out of here. But there's no where to go. Everyone is working.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I'll have a car in a couple days.
Fraulein elle: That's cool.
Fraulein elle: I'm bloody tired. I'm tired all the time. I get almost no sleep. I have to keep hold of the demon in me at all times now (he wants to break out more often because he hasn't done so in quite a while), I have other astral nasties following me everywhere, and then the soul eaters to top it all off (though they haven't been bad lately - most of them are younger kids at Shaker and I'll never ahve to see them again). And my boyfriend has been slightly stupid, so the link between our auras is all fucked up and I can't draw on power from him to stabilize myself. But things are getting better. I think.
SuiginFlairMZDM: And what is the nature of this inner demon?
SuiginFlairMZDM: Such a thing you do not lock up and swallow the key.
Fraulein elle: Hard to say, cause I don't let him out very often (bc when I do it's REALLY bad). The last time he got out all the way Jon had to wrestle me and hold be to the floor thrashing and clawing for almost a half hour.
Fraulein elle: Everyone has inner darkness that you can't get rid of. Mine is just particulary mean.
Fraulein elle: I don't know...I think if you were to classify him in terms of a normal being...he would be a rabid wolf
Fraulein elle: I snarl and my hands hook into claws and I just attack whatever is in front of me
Fraulein elle: I hardly remember it.
SuiginFlairMZDM: What is his nature? What complex does his existence stem from?
Fraulein elle: Not sure. I almost want to say it's genetic, if possible.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I mean what self-hated personality flaw does it represent./
Fraulein elle: You have to be kidding if you haven't at least sensed him before.
Fraulein elle: I don't know. Everything.
Fraulein elle: He's just plain vile.
Fraulein elle: I'm going to discover his name soon I think
Fraulein elle: And that will make him easier to control
SuiginFlairMZDM: That could be a problem. You need to psychoanalyze yourself thoroughly.
Fraulein elle: He just has to learn where the dominant power is
Fraulein elle: I have. I know what's wrong with me
SuiginFlairMZDM: Rather than treat it as an entity to be commanded or slain.
Fraulein elle: It's what he deserves.
Fraulein elle: For all the people he's hurt.
SuiginFlairMZDM: He is only you.
Fraulein elle: Yes. But a me I do not recognize.
Fraulein elle: He almost broke out the other night in response to the demon that was halfway into my spine..
SuiginFlairMZDM: Therefore you must recognize it. Understand, expiate, reconcile, purge
Fraulein elle: I'm glad he didn't.
Fraulein elle: I might have killed my friend I was walking next to - she's a powerful priestess that demons around us are always trying to kill
Fraulein elle: I've got it under control. For a good long while.
Fraulein elle: Hasn't gotten out in over two months. Not fully for almost fou
Fraulein elle: r
SuiginFlairMZDM: I think you know better than to let something fester.
Fraulein elle: It's not. He hasn't grown.
Fraulein elle: And Jon counteracts him with his mere existence.
Fraulein elle: It's too bad his sixth sense isn't higher, he's got use potential with the amount of energy he radiates.
Fraulein elle: Blue and soothing.
Fraulein elle: Anyway....
Fraulein elle: So yeah, other than all the demon shit I've been good.
Fraulein elle: Thanks for the wisdom
SuiginFlairMZDM: I'm cooking chicken. You can have some, if you'd like.
Fraulein elle: Eh. Can't get over there.
Fraulein elle: Unless you can come get me with magic
SuiginFlairMZDM: *Licks chops* If chicken is your destiny, then it shall come?
SuiginFlairMZDM: Chicken is my Will.
Fraulein elle: Can't get over there. you would have to grab me
SuiginFlairMZDM: I can tell you one thing universally applicable no matter what else you do.
Fraulein elle: Alright?
SuiginFlairMZDM: No matter what happens, no matter what your intellect, intuition, or pet cat indicates, no matter how much of your life is lost, no matter what you have done and think you deserve, never, ever give up this life until it is forced from you by the world.
Fraulein elle: Aye sir
SuiginFlairMZDM: If you are destined to die, deemed unworthy of life by the gods or whatever your resistance will not hinder that from happening and will therefore not be a crime against justice.
Fraulein elle: Mmm. I know. When have you ever known me to despair? Honestly.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I established myself as the leader of an entire social clique.
Fraulein elle: I was that for a while.
Fraulein elle: But that left me open to soul eaters
Fraulein elle: all of them nearly killed me
Fraulein elle: they're weak by themselves, but when they get together they can knock the shit out of me
SuiginFlairMZDM: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=garretteers&r=f
SuiginFlairMZDM: Soul eaters?
Fraulein elle: so I've retreated into the background
Fraulein elle: already read it and I'm ready to sign up
Fraulein elle: you know, people who suck the energy out of you and steal pieces of your soul
SuiginFlairMZDM: I will have to fetch you for an initiation sometime this month.
SuiginFlairMZDM: How about you beat the shit out of them?
SuiginFlairMZDM: I've never had that problem.
Fraulein elle: most people say soul vampires but I despise the term
Fraulein elle: I don't know. I'm too nice.
Fraulein elle: I always want to help.
Fraulein elle: Mistake.
Fraulein elle: But 'm better now.
Fraulein elle: Just had to do power raising for two days straight.
SuiginFlairMZDM: http://www.livejournal.com/users/echthros/51488.html
Fraulein elle: If I hadn't, I think I would have died, or turned into something else.
Fraulein elle: I've also been battling demons from within and without lately.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I've had existential problems, but I endure through anything no matter what. I have a Silver Star.
Fraulein elle: Eh. My shields don't suck. I leave myself open cause I'm stupid
SuiginFlairMZDM: Read the next paragraph
Fraulein elle: I rad it all
Fraulein elle: My problem is this:
Fraulein elle: I try to take the negative energy into myself and negate it, so it doesn't go on causing problems for other people. But sometimes I get in over my head.
Fraulein elle: I guess I should let it all be reflected, as that is probably the three fold rule enacting itself
Fraulein elle: But I'm too bloody nice
Fraulein elle: I'm not a white witch, but I'm not a black one either
Fraulein elle: I'm gray
SuiginFlairMZDM: I take negetive energy and... keep it negetive and use it.
Fraulein elle: No. That is evil. And I cannot do that, and you know it. We've been tyhrough this before. I am not evil, and I never will be.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Using negetive energy = evil?
Fraulein elle: And what is this Silver Star you speak of?
Fraulein elle: Yes.
SuiginFlairMZDM: What exactly is negetive energy, then?
Fraulein elle: Sending negative energy to harm others is EVIL.
SuiginFlairMZDM: The seventeenth tarot.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Oh, I never said I do that.
Fraulein elle: Well, then how would you use it?
Fraulein elle: (and you've professed to being evil so scuse me for jumping to conclusions)
SuiginFlairMZDM: For anything that needs Severe energy... Every time anything happens, something else doesn't happen. Every creation, good and bad, is born of infinite destruction.
Fraulein elle: Negative energy is the force most people think of when they think of "evil". You forget, I am not a magician, I am a witch. We see things differently. How can something be born of infinite destruction? Pleas explain these statements to me further.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Whenever something happens, something else could have happened.
SuiginFlairMZDM: So those other thing which could have happened must all be sacrificed for what does happen.
SuiginFlairMZDM: So for one thing to happen, the infinite other possibilities are destroyed.
Fraulein elle: I don't look at it so practically. I don't see things being destroyed way. So anyway, you're saying that these destroyed alternate possibilites are what negative energy is born of?
SuiginFlairMZDM: "Negative energy" is too ambiguous. I don't have any good or evil, the closest thing I can equate is creative or destructive.
Fraulein elle: Well, from what I was taught and beleive, the source of negative energy is baneful thoughts and intentions that beings generate. That is why I see negative energy as being evil.
SuiginFlairMZDM: Baneful, destructive, yeah.
SuiginFlairMZDM: *Points up* That is the destructive process of Saturn, so great that it is considered the greatest "malefic." But it is really the germ of all creation as well. That is why Saturn is also Time, because the passing of Time is the choosing and unchoosing of all possibilities.
Fraulein elle: Just because certain things happen doesn't mean other things do not happen. I cannot agree with that school of thought.
SuiginFlairMZDM: It's just at this point. But I don't agree with any school of thought. *Shrug*
SuiginFlairMZDM: Aside from that, destruction is as necessary for "good" as creation. While you "create" good, you also "destroy" evil.
Fraulein elle: I'm just glad that all the soul eaters around me do not realize they are soul eaters. If I had all of them intentionally going after me, I would need reinforcements. But as it is, they aren't aware of thier doings. They'll probably figure out what they do later in thier lives if they ever figure it out at all.
SuiginFlairMZDM: For the record, I'm not really a villian ^.~
Fraulein elle: They're so weak internally, they feed on others.
Fraulein elle: Disgusting.
Fraulein elle: I know.
Fraulein elle: I would have known before you said anything.
Fraulein elle: I've told you you weren't evil in the past.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I know~
Fraulein elle: I'm so bored...I want to get out of here. But there's no where to go. Everyone is working.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I'll have a car in a couple days.
Fraulein elle: That's cool.
Fraulein elle: I'm bloody tired. I'm tired all the time. I get almost no sleep. I have to keep hold of the demon in me at all times now (he wants to break out more often because he hasn't done so in quite a while), I have other astral nasties following me everywhere, and then the soul eaters to top it all off (though they haven't been bad lately - most of them are younger kids at Shaker and I'll never ahve to see them again). And my boyfriend has been slightly stupid, so the link between our auras is all fucked up and I can't draw on power from him to stabilize myself. But things are getting better. I think.
SuiginFlairMZDM: And what is the nature of this inner demon?
SuiginFlairMZDM: Such a thing you do not lock up and swallow the key.
Fraulein elle: Hard to say, cause I don't let him out very often (bc when I do it's REALLY bad). The last time he got out all the way Jon had to wrestle me and hold be to the floor thrashing and clawing for almost a half hour.
Fraulein elle: Everyone has inner darkness that you can't get rid of. Mine is just particulary mean.
Fraulein elle: I don't know...I think if you were to classify him in terms of a normal being...he would be a rabid wolf
Fraulein elle: I snarl and my hands hook into claws and I just attack whatever is in front of me
Fraulein elle: I hardly remember it.
SuiginFlairMZDM: What is his nature? What complex does his existence stem from?
Fraulein elle: Not sure. I almost want to say it's genetic, if possible.
SuiginFlairMZDM: I mean what self-hated personality flaw does it represent./
Fraulein elle: You have to be kidding if you haven't at least sensed him before.
Fraulein elle: I don't know. Everything.
Fraulein elle: He's just plain vile.
Fraulein elle: I'm going to discover his name soon I think
Fraulein elle: And that will make him easier to control
SuiginFlairMZDM: That could be a problem. You need to psychoanalyze yourself thoroughly.
Fraulein elle: He just has to learn where the dominant power is
Fraulein elle: I have. I know what's wrong with me
SuiginFlairMZDM: Rather than treat it as an entity to be commanded or slain.
Fraulein elle: It's what he deserves.
Fraulein elle: For all the people he's hurt.
SuiginFlairMZDM: He is only you.
Fraulein elle: Yes. But a me I do not recognize.
Fraulein elle: He almost broke out the other night in response to the demon that was halfway into my spine..
SuiginFlairMZDM: Therefore you must recognize it. Understand, expiate, reconcile, purge
Fraulein elle: I'm glad he didn't.
Fraulein elle: I might have killed my friend I was walking next to - she's a powerful priestess that demons around us are always trying to kill
Fraulein elle: I've got it under control. For a good long while.
Fraulein elle: Hasn't gotten out in over two months. Not fully for almost fou
Fraulein elle: r
SuiginFlairMZDM: I think you know better than to let something fester.
Fraulein elle: It's not. He hasn't grown.
Fraulein elle: And Jon counteracts him with his mere existence.
Fraulein elle: It's too bad his sixth sense isn't higher, he's got use potential with the amount of energy he radiates.
Fraulein elle: Blue and soothing.
Fraulein elle: Anyway....
Fraulein elle: So yeah, other than all the demon shit I've been good.
Fraulein elle: Thanks for the wisdom
SuiginFlairMZDM: I'm cooking chicken. You can have some, if you'd like.
Fraulein elle: Eh. Can't get over there.
Fraulein elle: Unless you can come get me with magic
SuiginFlairMZDM: *Licks chops* If chicken is your destiny, then it shall come?
SuiginFlairMZDM: Chicken is my Will.
Fraulein elle: Can't get over there. you would have to grab me
SuiginFlairMZDM: I can tell you one thing universally applicable no matter what else you do.
Fraulein elle: Alright?
SuiginFlairMZDM: No matter what happens, no matter what your intellect, intuition, or pet cat indicates, no matter how much of your life is lost, no matter what you have done and think you deserve, never, ever give up this life until it is forced from you by the world.
Fraulein elle: Aye sir
SuiginFlairMZDM: If you are destined to die, deemed unworthy of life by the gods or whatever your resistance will not hinder that from happening and will therefore not be a crime against justice.
Fraulein elle: Mmm. I know. When have you ever known me to despair? Honestly.