I need an opinion from the general public

[~VeronicaBlack~]

I just want a general consensus from everyone about a rather large problem that has plauging my family since about october.

my cousin who lives (or well lived) in virginia who was 17 at the time this happened got knocked up by her boyfriend who is about 2 to 3 years older than she is (im unsure of his age) for the second time in the span of a little over a year that they had been together the first time was when she was 16 and was forced to have an abortion. the second time she became pregnant he ran away out of state when he found out kept the baby and the little one was born sept. of last year. the babys father threatened to kill my cousin, who is now 18, and the baby and she moved to new england with my family in october. my cousins grandmother, who was her guardian at the time she was dating the babys father, and the babys father are now fighting my cousin for full custody of the baby. the father has no permanent address or means of contact nor does he have a car or steady job and since my cousin has moved to new england he got involved with another young woman who is 16 and he is I pressume approx 20 to 21 now and he supposedly got this one pregnant as well. the custody trial is coming up in a month or so. so anyways with all the back story do you think any court in their right mind would take the baby away from my cousin and give the babys father full parental rights. he is the sweetest 10 month sold little boy and I dont want him to become a horrible dreg on socitey that I know he will become or for him to suffer in any ways if he is taken away from my cousin.

[MST3Kakalina]

i doubt it. mothers are usually given preference in custody battles from what i understand, unless she is seriously batshit loco crazy. the guy sounds like too much of a creep, though i guess if the grandmother's got it together, that might swing things the other way.

[implode]

i don't get the point of this. why would he <i>want</i> the kid? i hear about this shit all the fucking time, people who just spitefully enter into these dramatic custody battles without a single good intention. all they want to do is hurt the mother just a little bit more. if this isn't the case, i apologize, but i'm just going on what i've seen before. in every case i've heard of they've awarded custody to the mother, though - and in this specific instance, a choice between a maternal grandmother and a mother vs. the father and his pregnant 16 year old girlfriend (aren't there laws against this?) doesn't seem too difficult to make.

rrrgh. it gets me upset. it's not a fucking pull out sofa, here, it's a <i>child.</i> fucking people.

[when you are the moon]

Yeah, considering the age issue here, I'd say it's likely the court might award custody to the grandmother. They certainly wouldn't give it to the father, unless your cousin's got some kind of <i>serious</i> criminal record in her past.

[~VeronicaBlack~]

no nothing criminal in her past but the grandmother isnt really all that much of a prize she is the one pushing the babys father to get full custody so she can have the baby she has no moral concience that i know of. she used my cousins social security money from my uncles death to buy herself a new house and then procedded to kick my couisn out on numerous occasions. kinda fucked up huh? im just so stressed out from all this. i've been taking care of this kid quite often since i moved back home in dec and i feel as if the baby is my own and i'll be damned if he is gonna be raised by his sexual deviant or pedophile or whatever of a father and my cousins crazy ass, theiving, bible thumping, hypocritical, cunt of a grandmother.

[töm]

according to common sense and compassion, i wouldn't think that the baby should be awarded to anyone other than (his/her) mother.

however. for some reason, laws and decisions on custody seem to be seriously fucked up. i've seen a couple of people have their lives totally torn to shreds through oddball custody decisions. i don't know what the books say. i'll just hope and pray for your cousin and her child. best of luck to them...

[argonaut]

Where's Nadine when you need her?

I think it's important that you (or your cousin, rather) try to keep an open mind. If you go in thinking 'there's no way the judge will give my baby to that sexual deviant / hypocritical cunt', you do so at your own peril. Personalities won't enter into it unless the judge is exposed to it, and you can be sure that everyone will be on their best behaviour. You need to consider what their arguments will be and have something at hand to counter them.

Historical preference in custody decisions is to award the child to the mother, especially if the child is born out of wedlock. And though the laws that dictated that were changed decades ago, some judges still think that way, so if you get an old-schooler you may be in luck.

Current laws are written around the 'best interests of the child'. They consider things like the parents' preference, the child's preference (that won't apply here), community, stability, the home environment, and abuse. It can also go to 'primary caretaker', meaning who has been caring for the child up to now.

Without knowing too much about it, it'd seem like your cousin has the leverage here. But be careful. I would strongly advise her to be ready to answer questions about how the child will be raised and cared for. To paraphrase Tom, sometimes the judge's perspective ends up being totally different from your own, and a decision that would seem a no-brainer to you ends up going the other way.

(edit) This issue aside, I hope things are well with you. A bunch of us are going to be out your way in a couple weeks; if you're interested in meeting up perhaps we can work something out.

[~VeronicaBlack~]

Current laws are written around the 'best interests of the child'. They consider things like the parents' preference, the child's preference (that won't apply here), community, stability, the home environment, and abuse.

well my family may be dysfunctional but compared to where he would go if given to the babys father we're the fuckin' cleaver family.

and getting together sounds fun or I can at least give you guys some ideas on some neat places to go or something if I cant make it.

[~VeronicaBlack~]

just an update (not that it matters but it makes me so damned happy)
the so called father lost his appeal for custody, he didnt follow any of the courts requirements and on top of that he didnt even show up. he told the court he had a funeral to go to, and unless the jackass can produce a plane ticket for the funeral he is going to be held in contempt of court. so he has no rights to the child as of right now and things are all good. what a good way to start the day.