Randomly browsing through the internet.

[Davey Rootbeer]

and i stumbled upon this poem thing i wrote about 4 years ago. it's like, some kind of ripoff of "the raven" but with Zelda stuff.


THE LEGEND.....

By Davey Rootbeer

As I advanced the ancient stair,
Evil voices called 'BEWARE'!
'Have I courage nuff to dare?'
Shouted I,
twas a lie.
Silence echoed my response.
The haughty racket of silence, and nothing more.


'Now ye must commence' I muttered,
'Thou hast not good intents' they uttered,
Neverless, shrouding shadow I puttered,
Puttered toward the chain-linked door.


'Among the multitude of ages,
Yon sword sealed within by sages,
twere wise, protective mages,
From whose magic it was forged.'
Thus wrote the placard upon the door.
Reading this I merely shrugged, and pried open thine door.
Said I: 'tis but a legend, a forgotten tale of yore.
Only this, and nothing more.'


As I hastened, stomach turning,
Whil'st my precious cull was yearning,
Yearning to drink from power.
Power from yon master sword.


Luck herself had wandered aft,
As I fingered guilded shaft.
Blade and hand begun to graft,
And power, horrible power rose inside me like none before.


A quick tug against the hilt,
And ancient steel began its tilt.
Then light, blue light emerged from nil,
And I unsheathed yon master sword.


As I stood there, quite unyielding
To the power I was wielding,
My screams echoed through the ceiling,
Reverberating to the floor.
-Then silence, deadly silence.
Nothing more.


I speak to thou as a spirit wandering,
Many nights Ive spent pondering,
Pondering the intricacies of yon sword.


My mortal shell is wrecked with haunting,
As holy sword returns undaunting,
Returns to it's pedestal to spend forevermore.
The sleep of it shall be eternal,
Curse then, my thoughts infernal!
Thou shalt be tempted and FRAUGHT!
Fraught with yon master sword!
Sleeping forevermore...

[PEPPER LUNCH~]

put some beats behind that and you've got a gold record.

[when you are the moon]

I stumbled across the sister of one of my friends from highschool while browsing the internets the other day, and it turns out she's my new literary hero:

<b>I recently received the following bulletin on myspace:</b>



Happens every day...Girls should just say no
guy: Pulls away from kissing
girl: stares at him

guy: We should do something
girl: Like What?

guy: Well I really like you i think i love you
girl: is amazed that he loves her because she has loved him for the longest time and she replys "I Love you too."

guy: I think you should let me be your first he says as he tugs at her pants
girl: Im not sure,will it hurt?

guy: no,i will take it easy
girl: you promise?

guy: You do trust me dont you?
girl: yes i do

guy: well okay
girl: lays back and lets him pull her pants off

guy: puts a condom on
girl: hopes and prays that he wont leave her after this.

guy: goes at it even though she is crying,dosent matter to him.Hes enjoying it.
girl: cries,but wants to make him happy

two days later....
guy: calls girl on the phone...
girl: happy that he called even though it was 2 days later

guy: we need to talk
girl: okay,about what?

guy: ummm
girl: what did i do something wrong?

guy: no its not you but we should break up
girl: why?I thought that you loved me?!

guy: i do but i just dont want to be in a realtionship
girl: oh okay,starts to cry and hangs up.

the girl is so sad she crys,she feels so stupid for having sex with him.
The Guys is happy that he was her first and brags to all of her friends.
The girl ends up pregnant
The guy denys that its his,because she has had sex with sooooo many other guys before him.

Guys Repost This if you care for someone and would never do this.
Girls Repost this if you dont want this to happen to you

__________________________________________________ ______

Response to the ridiculousness: (by Wünderpants)

Dearest author-

I deeply appreciate your concern about my sexual health and feminine dignity. Without your parable, I would never have realized that all men are ruled by the fanged viper coiled between their legs, interested only in descending like scavenging buzzards upon the unsuspecting vaginas of innocent girls. I also thank you for disabusing me of my ridiculous notions that women can enjoy sex. After all, every last girl is concerned only with pleasing her man in the name of true love, even if it means enduring up to two minutes of laceration with a clumsily wielded tubesteak.

Still, I fear that your fable was overly simplistic, and so I have rewritten what I humbly suggest to be a more realistic take on the same exchange. May my efforts serve as a warning to all girls who find themselves in similarly despicable situations.

The guy pulls away from kissing.
Girl: "Thank God, I think you finally dislodged that chunk of tuna from my rear molars."

The guy shudders. "No sweat. Say, speaking of fish, how about we do something else?"
Girl: "Gee golly gosh whiz whillackers, like what?"

Guy: "Well, I can almost choke back the vomit when I think about you naked, and I'd wager you have a functional vagina. What I mean to say is, I think I love you."
The girl is amazed that he loves her. After all, he wears a lot of brand name clothing and is on the basketball team at school, even if he spends all season sitting on the bench thinking about how he'd totally score with the cheerleaders if they weren't all man-hating lesbians.

The guy gets tired of witnessing the visible exertion caused by his date's slug-like critical thinking skills, and cuts to the chase. "I think you should let me pop the ol' hairy cherry," he says.
Girl: "I don't know... After all, I'm so chaste and pure I can bend a steel bar merely by clenching my vaginal walls. Won't it hurt?"

Guy: "Heck no, I'm laughably under-endowed."
Girl: "You promise? My father told me that sex is like being repeatedly stabbed in the gut with a weed whacker."

Guy: "Come on, I just wasted precious bone-time choking on your tongue. I think you owe me a ride on the poon pontoon."
Girl: "Your masterful wielding of the English language has won me, my love. Show me the wonders of external genitalia."

Guy: "Can do. Now keep your mouth shut and your legs open, and let's unscrew the lid on this can of worms!"
Girl: "Cans don't have lids. Not that I'm smart enough to care, seeing as I'll ride the boloney pony of any guy that says he loves me." She lays back, corpselike, and lets him pull her pants off. The garment sticks multiple times for reasons neither party cares to explore, but at last, a mighty tug reveals the pasty scape of her acne-prone thigh meats.

Guy: "Holy shit! I may have only seen girls' crotches on the internet, but I'm damn sure nothing should be moving down there. Better call for some backup." He puts on a condom, realizing too late that he has yet to actually remove his pants.
The girl hopes and prays that he wont leave her after this, and also that he finishes up in time to watch Friends. That crazy Chandler! Will he never learn?

The guy goes at it even though she's crying. Heck, he's holding back tears himself, hoping that his first foray into two-person sex doesn't result in clinic visits and open sores.
The girl cries. Then she realizes what is wrong, and tells him to pull out and aim a little higher next time.

...Two days later....
The guy calls the girl on the phone.
The girl is happy that he called. Those 72 phone messages, 36 postcards, and long hours peering through his bedroom window at night have finally paid off.

Guy: "Shit! I thought I was ordering a pizza."
Girl: "So, what color should the wedding invitations be? I'm thinking chartreuse."

Guy: "..."
Girl: "Oh, I knew you wouldn't like it. Chartreuse, what was I thinking? Forget about it, let's talk about what to name the kids."

Guy: "Two words: restraining order."
Girl: "Hmm... I was thinking Horatio and Darla, but yours are pretty good too."

Guy: "Right. You hear that gurgling sound? That's me drinking bleach."
Girl: "Honey? Hey, baby? Are you there? I thought we could look at paint chips! Baby?"

The girl is so sad she cries, at least once she realizes she's been shouting pet names at a corpse for six hours. She ends up pregnant, because condoms are the devil's lies.
The guy's parents deny that it's his, because she has had sex with sooooo many other guys before him, and there are no paternity tests in cautionary moral fable land.
The guy is happy that at least he didn't die a virgin, <b>because everyone knows that kids who can't get any are pathetic losers that write stories about how awful sex is and then forward them to people on myspace hoping to fill the void caused by their childish aversion to human contact.</b>

[Takker]

haha, wonderful!