who would like 250 million dollars?

[implode]

<a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050819/ap_on_he_me/vioxx_trial_40">vioxx lawsuit ends in 253 million dollar settlement.</a>

250 million dollars. because a wal-mart produce manager died.

so, here's the plan - somebody (it doesn't matter who, but of course, i have my preferences. eric, justin, i'm looking at <i>you</i> here...) marry me. i will become hopelessly addicted to something that is probably dangerous if you take it every day (sunshine, for example. yes. i will become hopelessly addicted to sunshine.) from there i will maintain a steady job at some shitty retail chain that keeps meticulous employment records, so there will never be an income discrepency. my health should begin to deteriorate in about 10 years or so, and you'll have to be keen and shrap-witted to notice the precise moment when it does. because this is when you must take action.

<i>you need to stress me out.</i> begin to complain about the things i've done every day that never bothered you before. every morning when i wake up, yell at me about sleeping so late. when i get dressed, spare no curse words in your description of exactly how much you <i>hate</i> that shirt. when i state my itinerary for the day, overwhelm me with more desireable possibilities. <b>there cannot be a single moment of my life where i am free from some sort of stress.</b> this is your responsibility to your friends and probably america, according to some people who i wish posted here.

given that i have a bad heart and a history of heart disease in my family, it should only be a matter of time before i finally die on the toilet. do not attempt to revive me, and when the paramedics do (you'll have to call them - it has to look like you give a damn) show them my "do not revive" order that i filled out ten years ago. do not pay for a funeral. throw me in a river and let the local wildlife actually look forward to eating for a few days.

from here, you can begin your crusade against sunshine - sue anyone and everyone who may or may not have been responsible for my ridiculous indifference at willingly doing something that i did not know to be harmful every day. you could sue ray-ban for not producing sunglasses that scream at you every ten minutes to apply sunscreen, you could sue nike for not producing shoes that kick you in your own ass for daring to play soccer without a parka, you could sue raisin bran for adorning their product with a depiction of the insidious "mr. sun" with a smile on his face and no disclaimer as to the fact that he may be smiling at the 10,000 people who were dead at his hands, this morning. the possibilities are basically limitless. when you present your case, be sure to lie about how special i was to you, and how the only thing that made your life worth living is now gone at the sadistic hands of the sun, and how only 250 million dollars could possibly drag you out of this hole that's been forced upon you.

and when you win (and you will) you must agree to share the profits with the rest of this board. buy garf a house in the poconos and ethnic slaves to do his bidding, buy ciagon a studio apartment in lower manhattan for bailing on us so early, and buy anyone else anything they damned well feel like, because you have TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. you just have to promise to do it. klein will be hired to enforce this rule - if you get greedy and decide to keep it, he'll get all jewish on you, and you'll eventually end up with nothing. it is simply the way these things work.

everybody wins. well. except for me. and i do! because i'll be married and at least have some fucking company for the next 10 years of my life. everything goes downhill after 30, anyway, right?

so. "i do", anyone?

[whodaimen]

FIRST POST LOVE YOU IMPLODE
I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[implode]

not in this state, you don't.

[Vile]

You know, the law takes more pity on pretty little girls, cory. I could up the sum to five hundred million if I was the poor wife that loved you no matter what. Plus I could flip my hair for the camera.

[whodaimen]

Back off bitch. I'm going back into I lurve implode mode.

[implode]

You know, the law takes more pity on pretty little girls, cory. I could up the sum to five hundred million if I was the poor wife that loved you no matter what. Plus I could flip my hair for the camera. that's true, but the law also looks down on pedophilia, and the defense attourney could conceivably attack my character that way. "500 million dollars?!" he'll say, "are we generally in the habit of awarding 500 million dollar awards to child molestors?!" and the jury will all shake their heads, "no, we are not" and i'll just be dead.

good thinking, though. as long as we keep usin' our noggins, we can make this happen.

[Awesome McManly]

I dunno if murdering my gay lover is really the way I want to get rich.

You see there's this really rich married couple whose patio we're installing. His wife is really hot, and he's a prick who works her like a courier. (her words, not mine).

I'm gonna get me a suga mama.

[RCCC]

edit: nevermind

[implode]

I dunno if murdering my gay lover is really the way I want to get rich.

You see there's this really rich married couple whose patio we're installing. His wife is really hot, and he's a prick who works her like a courier. (her words, not mine).

I'm gonna get me a suga mama. it wouldn't be murder! it would be <i>encouragement to the inverse of vitality.</i> see? isn't that much prettier? murder?! nooo. no murder here, officer!

but, um, yeah. you probably SHOULD do that instead. i know i would.

[Awesome McManly]

I'm working on it. It's a pretty big job. So I've probably got another few weeks.

[whodaimen]

I'm kicking my love up a notch.

[Awesome McManly]

hands off my husband!

[whodaimen]

HES MINE 'FOO!

[implode]

you will be detrimental to our case, whodaimen. don't do that.

[whodaimen]

I loved him BEFORE IT WAS COOL!

[Awesome McManly]

I'm already officially married to him. If anyone's gonna be gay for him it's me, god dammit!

[Vile]

Can I be slightly queerish for him?

[whodaimen]

I WAS MARRIED TO HIM BEFORE THEN. YOU GO GET YOUR SUGAR.

ILL STAY WITH MY SUGGA DADDEH!

[Davey Rootbeer]

Want me to uh....

"take care of things"?


*cracks knuckles*


..OW. i think i popped something...

[whodaimen]

VILE go back to your IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND ZACH.

Its been what, THREE YEARS NOW? either GET MARRIED OR ADMIT HES MADE UP!

BAJESUS

[implode]

I'm already officially married to him. If anyone's gonna be gay for him it's me, god dammit! haha OH YEAH. we did get married, huh?

well. an anullment will be in order, then. or we could just wipe the board again. in fact, that would probably be the best option - destroy the evidence that this conversation ever took place.

the pieces are falling together. and they are all boy pieces. :meh:

[whodaimen]

I know implode, ur so hawt.

[Awesome McManly]

I married him like last year, some time.

And yes, Vile can be his hetero squeeze so's not to be all the way gay.

[whodaimen]

J.t. why you gotta break balls.

[implode]

GUYS. I CAN'T BE SECRETLY GAY. i have to look like a dedicated, loving husband <i>that you'd actually miss.</i> either i'm full blown gay or i'm a full blown pedophile. there are no other options.

EDIT: wait...

[Takker]

okay Implode, I'll distract him

*dresses up in shabby Implode costume and stuts infront of whodaimen in a very womanly fashion*

[whodaimen]

You can do ANYTHING to me 'plody.

[implode]

dude. you're really creeping up my thread, here.

[whodaimen]

We will ninja breakdance allllllllllll llnight looonngggg

[implode]

*sigh*

screw it, i'll just watch the game. thanks for ruining my good mood, whodaimen.

seriously. if you really <i>do</i> like and respect someone, you shouldn't keep acting in contradiction to their requests. that kind of negates the purpose of flattery in the first place.

[Takker]

*strut strut* look, I'm Implode. and I'm strutting up a storm. I attract whodaimen so the real Implode can be happy.

[Davey Rootbeer]

My offer still stands. Just give me the word, and i'll "take care" of the problem.

*thinks about cracking knuckles again, but doesn't*

[Takker]

*cracks her own knuckles so Davey doesn't have to*

[Awesome McManly]

GUYS. I CAN'T BE SECRETLY GAY. i have to look like a dedicated, loving husband <i>that you'd actually miss.</i> either i'm full blown gay or i'm a full blown pedophile. there are no other options.

EDIT: wait...

I think you mean ephebophile.

I would hate tom to think we never learned anything from him.

[whodaimen]

GET THEM WHILE THEYRE HAWT.
http://www.cafepress.com/implodestuff

[KLEIN]

WHODAIMEN.

Shut up. You've ruined one two many threads with this creepy stalker bullshit.

No one fucking wants to hear it. No one likes you, and no one wants you around. Stop, or you'll be banned. The only thing saving you is the apathy of our staff, but I can assure you, you're pushing them into action.

THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT. So stop posting. Pretend you've been banned, before you can't.

[whodaimen]

I'm really sorry, but for some reason, I don't care about KLEIN anymore.

[Takker]

you've been missed Klein

[Davey Rootbeer]

DO we have any official complaints yet?

[t3]

If Klein dies when we finally get him to take the Moxie challenge, we can sue the Moxie king and become millionaires.

[whodaimen]

I got thooonnggssss
http://www.cafepress.com/implodestuff

[Vile]

Day ban. Not perma. Please don't perma ban him.

<i>Please.</i>

He's an idiot, but not a threat.

[whodaimen]

Wow, vile, youve touched me. I'll stop now.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Okay, Whodamien, what you are doing is legally not good. selling images of another person without their consent is a violation of like, every ToS in existance. PLUS, Things you sell on cafepress have to be copywrited by YOU, or else you can be sued. Take that shit down, unless Implode gives you express written permission.

Chill out for 24 hours. when you come back, drop the whole act, and let us never speak of this again.

[exemplary citizen]

DO we have any official complaints yet?On the off chance we've forgotten about the dozens of them already filed, I would like to make one.

[whodaimen]

I knew it all along, this was an elaborate plan by me, and implode. IMPLODE SIGNED A PIECE OF PAPER SAYING IT WAS OK!

right?
RIGHT?

[Vile]

There is a good person inside everyone.

I don't believe in banning and if y-

"banned".

hooray.

[Davey Rootbeer]

it's for 24 hours. I don't want to do anything more permanent without implode having SOME input in the decision, at least.

maybe we can figure out some kind of rehab thing?

[töm]

your regular dick and jane from every small town in the united states sue the living heck out of pharmaceutical companies, and then wonder why their perscriptions cost so darn much. i doubt there could be any connection. :robot:

coryy, for big cash returns on your investment, become a pharmacist instead of dying. the nation is in dire need of them, the pay is wonderful, and there are many programs out there that will PAY for your education, because of the aforementioned dearth of american pharmacists.I loved him BEFORE IT WAS COOL!oh man. you guy. it was ALWAYS cool to love him. it used to be cool for people to love me, but that stint only lasted a little under a year.

[Davey Rootbeer]

it used to be cool for people to love me, but that stint only lasted a little under a year.


No one loves me anymore now that the new baby is here.

:raincloud

[KLEIN]

Davey, no one wants people to start reporting people. It's email. It's spam. It wakes SSJ up, and that's bad.

I know we have more than 6 people who want him gone.

Can <i>anyone</i> argue in favor of this disgusting parasite? This vile delinquent?

I am listening.

[Vile]

it's for 24 hours. I don't want to do anything more permanent without implode having SOME input in the decision, at least.

maybe we can figure out some kind of rehab thing?


Why don't we turn spectacular spectacular into a re-hab forum? The perpatraitor could only post in there until we see "fit".

Hey Klein, he was friendly and thoughtful until it occurred to him that spamming might make him seem "cool".

[Rory Storm]

Oh, hello vile, didn't see you there. I do think that that is a great idea.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Davey, no one wants people to start reporting people. It's email. It's spam. It wakes SSJ up, and that's bad.



Not that way. I meant like, in a PM or something.

see, this is where the rep system would have WORKED.

besides, i get the reported posts and junk.

[KLEIN]

You mean my idea? "The Pit"?

If you were banned, probationed, or deemed unfit to post at the main board, your user permissions would be changed, so you could only see and post in the Pit.

Everyone else could post there if they wanted, but once you're in, you have to earn your way out.

A way to separate the reprobates, leaving whole fields of forums untouched by their filthy claws.

[Vile]

Even Klein agrees.

All hail the pit.

[Meat Load]

This sounds suspiciously like the "Arena" plan.


Uh, I mean, hail the pit!

[exemplary citizen]

I am in the liking of that idea.

[Vile]

So, who's going to mod said hole in the internet?

[Meat Load]

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!

My hand is SO up!

[Davey Rootbeer]

can we call it "worm-baby", since it's a worm hole, for babies?

[KLEIN]

Even Klein agrees.


Vile... I had conceived of the Pit over a year ago.

I could even find the exact post, except for the fact that everything was deleted. Very sad.


Davey, if you want people to report posts and PM you about bannings, then just go and make an announcement. As of now, no one even thinks to do that. You can tell them otherwise.

[Vile]

I half thought of it!


Great minds think alike? eh? eh?

:(
I propose a team of Trogg, Takker, and Vile.

[Meat Load]

OH HELL YES

[Davey Rootbeer]

that sounds like the legal team from hell.

Trogg, Takker & Vile, ltd.

We will fight, for YOU.

[Vile]

But you'd have to get your name dolled up like ours.

[Meat Load]

I'll be the "alternative" one.


Seriously though, BEST IDEA EVER.

[KLEIN]

It doesn't need 3 moderators.

It needs one. One Klein to mod them all.

[Davey Rootbeer]

May i suggest diamonds, or spades?

[Meat Load]

I'll only do it if I get the job.

[Vile]

Choose your color, ---------l

[Meat Load]

Black.

To reflect my ANGSTY EMO SOUL ROFL

[steffi]

It doesn't need 3 moderators.

It needs one. One Klein to mod them all.
no modding for you.

[Vile]

Black spades?


Oh, trogg! You will look so sauve!

[KLEIN]

no modding for you.

But steefff...

It's what I've always wanted. You know that.

[Rory Storm]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v697/RoryStorm/DSC00063.jpg

Suave? Yes? No?

[steffi]

But steefff...

It's what I've always wanted. You know that.
and that's why you won't ever get it, young man.

[Vile]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v697/RoryStorm/DSC00063.jpg

Suave? Yes? No?


Outrageously so!

[KLEIN]

What harm ever came from editing other people's posts?

[Davey Rootbeer]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v697/RoryStorm/DSC00063.jpg

Suave? Yes? No?


my my, what a large neck you have.

<i> THE BETTER TO NECK YOU WITH, MY DEAR. </i>

[Meat Load]

Black spades?


Oh, trogg! You will look so sauve!
I'll be like James Bond.

Except a moderator on an internet message board.

[Takker]

aw Klein, haven't you already been a mod for something? or was I mistaken?

Trogg &spades;&spades;&spades; there ya go trogg. awesome, huh?

[Meat Load]

coughArenacough

[Vile]

Hahaha. The lounge, wasn't it?

Hey Takker, want to be a mod?

edit: or arena, whatever.

[Takker]

haha sure. why not? we probably wouldn't do much anyway.

[Vile]

Go ask tom. He's a sucker for little girls.

[Takker]

I feel bad because I always ask Tom for stuff. you ask him. you are cuter than I

[Meat Load]

Yeah, you do it, Vile.

[Takker]

bake him brownies

[Meat Load]

Trogg &spades;&spades;&spades; there ya go trogg. awesome, huh?Classy.

[Rory Storm]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v697/RoryStorm/DSC00064.jpg

I've killed three people just with my neck. It is strong like bull ox.

[Takker]

we still need a diamond though...

[Davey Rootbeer]

whoah, whoah, WHOAH. we're moving way too fast here, folks.

This is a democracy, and thus, there must be miles and miles of red tape surrounding the addition of new subforums, approved moderatorships, and corporate sponsorships, there's paperwork to be filled out for days and days on end.

Do you thike we could just push a magic button and make you all mods?

HAH.

it's a lot of WORK.

and i also have dibs on the diamond.

[Vile]

Find one non-klein who thinks ill of this grand idea.

[KLEIN]

Can we at least come to a consensus about the perma-banning of whodaimen?

I think we can all come to an agreement on this.

[Vile]

Can we meet halfway with a week ban?

[KLEIN]

one week is too short.

He is a menace to cory and society. Look! He's frightened cory away. Without him, we'd be talking with cory <i>right now</i>.

[Meat Load]

whoah, whoah, WHOAH. we're moving way too fast here, folks.

This is a democracy, and thus, there must be miles and miles of red tape surrounding the addition of new subforums, approved moderatorships, and corporate sponsorships, there's paperwork to be filled out for days and days on end.

Do you thike we could just push a magic button and make you all mods?

HAH.

it's a lot of WORK.

and i also have dibs on the diamond.Bullshit.

You're just trying to delay the inevitable. GIVE ME MODHOOD OR GIVE ME DEATH

[Takker]

we need a pit first, guys. simmer down. don't count your chickens before they hatch, or whatever.

and as for the banning of whodaimen, I think permaban is too harsh now. maybe like, a couple weeks worth. then he gets a second chance. if he mucks that up, then permaban him.

davey, I would be honored for you to be our sparkling diamond.

[Vile]

Wellll, I do love cory.

A week ban and then let the pit sort him out. If he still proves to be a moron (which isn't unlikely) I will agree and back up your ban whodaimen forever ruling.

[Meat Load]

Guys, focus.

<img src="http://www.iccomics.com/images/teddyspade.gif"></img>

This could be me.



Seriously though, I think the so-called pit will be the best thing for whodaimen. He/she's not bad, just stupid. And hopefully we can fix that.

[Vile]

Oh, <i>trogg is gonna be a hotttiiee.</i>

[Takker]

and not just for whodaimen too, but for anyone who needed an attitude adjustment. it would have been nice for dicktator, but banning straightened him out just fine either way.

[Vile]

Liz. That is totally what she needs.

[Takker]

aww, don't be mean :(

[Meat Load]

Oh, trogg is gonna be a hotttiiee.I spent like an hour trying to find that picture.


I can think of lots of people who would have benefited from it. Abaddon, Music, and maybe HFJ, to name a few.

[Vile]

I mean it in the nicest way possible.

[Meat Load]

No, I think you're on to something.

And that's all I'm going to say about it.

[Takker]

*mumblegrumble* :(

[Vile]

We need superhero outfits.

[Takker]

I'll halfheartedly draw something up. it will be awful

[Meat Load]

I'll read comics and pretend I'm interested.

What a team we will be.

[Vile]

I can be our sympathetic leader, Takker will be the zany lusty comic relief, and trogg can be the mysterious heartthrob

[Meat Load]

We shall be...

The Mod Squad.


It rhymes. Get it?

[Vile]

the t**d mod squad.

[implode]

fuck. set him on fire, for all i care. he ruined my one chance at conning someone into marrying me.

coryy, for big cash returns on your investment, become a pharmacist instead of dying. the nation is in dire need of them, the pay is wonderful, and there are many programs out there that will PAY for your education, because of the aforementioned dearth of american pharmacists. i am intrigued. if i <i>was</i> to dedicate my life to something, medicine would certainly be a noble field...

oh man. you guy. it was ALWAYS cool to love him. it used to be cool for people to love me, but that stint only lasted a little under a year. yeah, but all the people who get love now <i>are</i> the people who love you. you are grandpappy lovebuns.

[Meat Load]

the t**d mod squad.YES.

[Davey Rootbeer]

fuck. set him on fire, for all i care. he ruined my one chance at conning someone into marrying me.



GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

[Vile]

I would like 250 million dollars.

[Meat Load]

Well, sniff you jerks later.

Kung Fu Hustle awaits.

[Takker]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v331/Takker/superheroes.jpg

[Vile]

Hahaha.

[Takker]

we're super

[implode]

did you know that a pharmacist can choose what medicines he will or will not sell based on his moral convictions?

how cool is that? oh, you mean those fucks who won't sell condoms to 15 year olds?

yeah. real cool. REAL COOL MAN. I'M NOT WATCHING YOUR KID IF I'VE ALREADY GOT STUFF TO DO, MAN.

[Takker]

why wouldn't they sell her birth control? that's just stupid...

[implode]

at least she didn't wake up the next morning with WHORE written in blood on her windshield.

because, you know, you weren't taping it.

[implode]

yeah, what i meant was "lamb's blood."

like in the stories.

[implode]

you get stuck in CCD, too?

[implode]

i don't actually own one. haha. how ridiculous is that? when judgement day is upon us, my house will be blinking neon on the grandest LCD screen ever considered.

[Takker]

I've never finished CCD. my mom had back surgery and kinda stopped taking us as she was in massive pain. we never went back. I finished my communion but never did the other thing.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Hey guys. What's up here?

[Vile]

And yet Trogg's name is still naked?

Shame, Davus.

[Takker]

tsk tsk

[Meat Load]

We're all very disappointed in you.

[Takker]

don't worry Trogg. only you can be our spade

[Meat Load]

My heart is full of warmth.