i am NOT a moron

[tater]

so today i decided i'd make a loaf of bread. i had a box of mix that said all i had to do was add 1 1/3 cups of buttermilk, fold it in, flour it and shape it. easy enough.

so i go about mixing my 2 tablespoons of vinegar into 2 cups of milk to substitute for buttermilk and folding 1 1/3 cups of it into the mix like it says. it's a little sticky, but that's what the flour is for. i get it all kneeded and shape it. i pull out some parchment paper for the baking sheet, get it ready, and stick it in the oven.




does anyone know what i did wrong?












































































<small>i never turned on the oven and waited 40 minutes for nothing to happen.</small>

[Davey Rootbeer]

haha. aww.

i thought it was going to be something like "added too much flour and horrible yeast monster took over my oven and exploded all over kitchen"

[ImWearingUrSkin]

i love you.
Once I put soup in a tupperware and put the tupperware on the stove.

What's even more sad is I didn't see or smell the smoke and burning plastic.... my dad finally walked in and started yelling.

[Davey Rootbeer]

Once, i put a wendy's burger in the microwave. while it was still wrapped.






if you don't know what this causes, you've made me sad.

[steffi]

"a woman happily in love, she burns the souffle. A woman unhappily in love, she forgets to turn on the oven."

[tater]

shhhhhhh. everything is fine. FINE I TELL YOU!

interesting saying though. perhaps some accuracy to it. :(


i just felt stupid. i didn't even notice that the oven wasn't hot when i put the bread in. oy.

[Forever Finite]

i thought it was "too much salt, she's in love".

[Awesome McManly]

I once put away the milk in the cupboard where we keep the glasses.
...

there might also have been an empty glass in the fridge, but that wasn't proven to be me!

[kyle!]

hahaha
that reminds me of when i meant to flush the toilet but i turned off the light instead

somehow.

[banky]

I left the remote to my TV in the fridge once ... Went crazy trying to find it for 2 days.

[steffi]

well, it's from the movie sabrina. take it up with that.

[deep]

Me and my friend accidently turned the stovetop up on high and then set the glass muffin dish on it... It exploded, scared us half to death, and we got cut with burning hot glass.
Me and another friend were making candles out of that powerder wax and we decided to melt it. We had bought a coke glass at the dollar store, filled it with the wax, and set it in the microwave. After heating it for about 10 minutes or something it also exploded. It was a bitch to clean up all that glass and the powdered wax.
My sister tried to bake cookies once and somehow ended up putting 1/4 cup of salt in them because she read the recipie wrong. My dog who had ended up breaking all it's teeth off chewing rocks would not even touch them. Of course this is the sister who once thought that Sprite would spoil if it was left out...unopened.

[Meat Load]

I did that once.

I came downstairs like 45 minutes later and I yelled "d'oh" so loud that the neighbors heard it.

[MST3Kakalina]

sometimes i go to put peanut butter in the fridge, or apple juice in the cupboard. (our cupboard is right next to our fridge.)

[Forever Finite]

i put two boxes of cereal in the fridge once (i know some people do that kind of weird crap, but here in MY house cereal goes in the pantry) and proceeded to place the soymilk on the top shelf of the pantry where the cereal goes without blinking.

[DairyMan88]

one time i was drinking hawaiian punch while doing the laundry, and instead of using laundry detergent i poured my juice in

luckily, it was only in the wash for seven minutes before i realized my mistake and put some detergent in

[Forever Finite]

that's the best absent minded tale i've heard yet.

also, the one about whoever put their headphones in the fridge before going to bed. i forgot who that was.

[Rory Storm]

"Rory, don't go into the garden, it's been really rainy and it's muddy over there."
"Okay."

"Daaaaaaaaaaad. DAAAAAAAAAAD. I NEED A SHOVEL TO GET MY BOOTS OUT OF THE GROUND."

[Domo]

I keep forgetting to lock the door when I go into the bathroom, locking it on my way out thinking I'm UNlocking it, and getting confused for like thirty seconds.

[DairyMan88]

sometimes i try to turn the lights on in rooms where the light is already on

[Domo]

Sometimes I follow you around and turn the lights on before you notice them being on and then you try to turn them on and I laugh at you.

[DairyMan88]

:takker?!:

[t3]

Once I attempted to retrieve a soda can from a camp fire..... WITH MY BARE HANDS.

I endured major finger pain for the duration of the day.

[steffi]

I made numerous recipe mistakes while working in the bakery. including grinding bay leaves into the soup. whoops.

[ImWearingUrSkin]

I'm constantly doing dumb shit. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed because it's too stressful like... fixing myself breakfast, because I'm always catching myself about to put the milk in the cabinet and my bowl in the refrigerator and getting a spoon then realizing i already have one in my hand and dumb shit.

Just now I heated up some turkey my dad cooked earlier.... first I put pepper and salt on it, then I realized that the pepper was actually salt so I just have very salty turkey. Then I put it in the microwave for a minute, planning to take it out after half a minute to check on it, but I forgot and now I have very salty, burnt turkey. Then I went to cut it into pieces and it took me a moment to realize my knife was upside down and the sharp part of the blade was facing away from the turkey.

I hate it. I can't really do anything because I'm always forgetting everything, and not paying attention to what I am doing. It sucks. I'm scared to get a job because I don't think I'd be able to do anything, even like, washing dishes.

Do I win?

I think one of the worst things I've done, as in potentially the most dangerous, was when I was supposed to be babysitting my little sister (who was, at that time, indeed a baby) and I forgot I was babysitting and I just kind of went somewhere, for like an hour or two.

[Dr. Badman]

It's not a competition, Liz.

Ditto to those of you that ALMOST do the old switcheroo with the milk and cereal. And ofcourse double spoonage for no reason.

[MST3Kakalina]

i put two boxes of cereal in the fridge once (i know some people do that kind of weird crap, but here in MY house cereal goes in the pantry) and proceeded to place the soymilk on the top shelf of the pantry where the cereal goes without blinking.
Yeah, I've done the cereal in the fridge, milk in the cupboard thing too.

Also, this isn't stupid but if I'm taking a drink of something and I'm expecting one liquid (apple juice) but it's really another (milk) I make a really ridiculous face and get freaked the fuck out.

[deep]

I put a popcorn bag in for 5 minutes once. It said so on the package, but apparently it takes about a minute really. By the time it was done it looked like a black brick.

And just now I went to take my laundry out only to find that I had forgotten to push the "start" button on they dryer.

During the first week here with my roomate I accidently spilled india ink on her new bathrobe. I panicked grabbed my change jar and ran to the laundry room. I luckily had just enough quarters so I shoved it in a machine and came back later only to find that I had stuck it in the dryer and not the washer. So the ink was dried on there and the bathrobe was supposed to be air-dry so all the fluffy stuff had balled up. Great first impressions huh?

[implode]

i put orange juice in my cereal, once. it was froot loops and i was little and i still remember it to this day because it was the last little bit of the froot loops and i really wanted them. :(

[Meat Load]

My grampa actually eats his cereal with orange juice.

And it's stuff like Captain Crunch, too. The man is crazy.

[Forever Finite]

Also, this isn't stupid but if I'm taking a drink of something and I'm expecting one liquid (apple juice) but it's really another (milk) I make a really ridiculous face and get freaked the fuck out.
i do that too! especially if i think i'm going for a glass of water and it turns out to be a soda can, so i take a huge gulp and burn the back of my throat.

the thing i do most, though, is if i'm multitasking with a drink nearby. i almost always, unfailingly, bring a random object to my lips in preparation for a sip before realizing it's a sock or a pencil or whatever.

[kyle!]

the thing i do most, though, is if i'm multitasking with a drink nearby. i almost always, unfailingly, bring a random object to my lips in preparation for a sip before realizing it's a sock or a pencil or whatever.
ahaha i have done that
with a small cactus

[tater]

hah. i've taken to double and triple checking the dryer because i always forget to turn it on. i still find soggy laundry every once in awhile.

i can honestly say i've never done the milk/cereal thing, but i do find myself with multiple utensils. i once pulled out the last three spoons for a yogurt cup and proceeded to get pissed off when all the spoons were gone because i wanted to eat my yogurt.



mid totally wins the thread for drinking a cactus.

[banky]

My grampa actually eats his cereal with orange juice.

And it's stuff like Captain Crunch, too. The man is crazy.

I was a bit too drunk the other night and woke up with a bowl of Captain Crunch with Mountain Dew: Code Red on my night stand.

[Durana-Kal]

I once tossed my plate into the washer, before calmly proceeding to load my dirty clothing into the dishwasher. It was only when I attempted to start it and noticed the controls were different that I realized anything was wrong.

The dish broke, too.

[rocketgal]

i once put a bowl and spoon in the bin. i only intended to throw away the remaining noodles. but my brain said GUNG HO!

hahaha
that reminds me of when i meant to flush the toilet but i turned off the light instead

somehow.

i just laughed so hard my chest nearly exploded

[deadish]

OKAY SO ONE TIME
i was eating fries
and i thought i had picked one up
and then proceeded to bite the end of my finger REALLY HARD

so then it really hurt
and i snortgiggled a tiny bit
and then i cried. : D

the end.

[banky]

OKAY SO ONE TIME
i was eating fries
and i thought i had picked one up
and then proceeded to bite the end of my finger REALLY HARD

so then it really hurt
and i snortgiggled a tiny bit
and then i cried. : D

the end.

Reminds me of the time when I was 9 and home alone for the first time. I started spraying this Armoral tire cleaner all over everything (dont remember why) and sprayed it all over my pile of fries from SuckDonalds. Two hours past and I never bothered to throw the fries away so I brain farted and grabbed a big handful before munching down. I called my mom (I was at my dad's place) and she made me call Poison Control and they called 911 for me.

[Rory Storm]

*sigh*

One time when I was really young I jumped down our laundry chute because...apparently...I thought I was Batman.

My mom was in the shower and I just...jumped...into a wooden tube with nails sticking into the tube:(.

I am a moron.

[Moosewitharoom]

Anybody else ever woken up at like 9 o'clock on a Saturday and ran around frantically getting ready for school thinking "Why didn't my alarm go off!?"

[banky]

I worked Saturdays for over a year and a half until about four weeks ago when I did that exact same thing.

[kyle!]

i just laughed so hard my chest nearly exploded
XD OH YAYYY

when i was little i used to sometimes spend the night at my nanas house and i remember i used to wake up CONFUSED for a few seconds because that was not my room

i also used to constantly look for spoons and forks and find like ladels and stuff. and id look for towels where the bread goes... ALL THE TIME

[Anne]

I just hate it when you go up (or down for that matter) stairs to get something, forget what it was, or get distracted, and have to go back again. I've done that 4 or 5 times in a row before.

[Forever Finite]

ha. yeah. and each time you walk faster in hopes of not forgetting and you're out of breath by the end of the day. my dog usually follows me everywhere and when i am going up and down the stairs back and forth it gets pretty crazy because she has a habit of flying down the stairs or blasting up them. so whichever way you slice it, we cross paths and somebody's tripping somebody before it's over.

[Anne]

Yeah, my cats do that, becuase they think that every time someone goes onto the stairs that they're getting fed.

[Forever Finite]

sometimes my cat chases the dog as she is following me down the stairs.

let me tell you, <I>wacky results</i>.

[deadish]

what makes it even worse is if you think there is one more step than there really is, and your foot goes BLAM at the top..

and i fall down.

[t3]

What is with creatures and trying to sabotage people on stairs, anyway? The little dog always chases me and barks insanely, and the [good] dog even tries to gallop down the stairs after me sometimes, often falling victim to inertia in a spectacular way.

Deadish: yes, that is an infrequent occurance with me, though I usually manage not to fall top my death. Usually.

Know what else is hazardous? When it's the middle of the night and the big black dog is sleeping son the staircase somewhere and (even when it's not pitch black) she's TOTALLY invisible. This sometimes results in startling high-pitched dog squeals and further near-death experiences on the stairs. This is why I take large, tentative steps when I go down the stairs at night.

[MST3Kakalina]

your little dog. what a creature she is.

[Anne]

Ah yes, the well known animal thought process of 'I shall get under my person's feet, and then get offended when they are delayed in getting my food/stand on me because they tripped over me'.

[Forever Finite]

last night i was climbing into my bed, ready to doze off, when suddenly my cat (who i didn't realize was in the room) wants to get out. i'm all cranky about it, get up with an exaggerated tossing of the covers, pick the cat up with one hand and open the door. but just as i'm dropping her on the ground, the dog shoots out of my room under us and the cat landed, full staddle, on the dog's back. the dog just keeps on truckin' forward, headed for the stairs. the cat, still helplessly draped over the dog's back lets out a little "MEW!". i laughed so hard, but i kind of felt bad about it.

[Dr. Badman]

Hahahhah.

That cures the cranky part at least...

[tater]

that kind of reminds me of charlotte and the bag incident.

it was right after we got her and jax. we had just finished putting groceries away and sat down to relax when there was this huge commotion coming from the basement. as i started to get up, it kind of got louder and migrated to the kitchen. all of a sudden this plastic bag shot through dining room, circled the living room and ran into the bathroom behind us, all in about the time it took argo and i to look at each other and say "what the hell was that?".

it turned out to be poor little charlotte. she had absconded with one of the bags and gotten herself stuck. her front half was on one side of the handle while her back half was on the other. i felt bad because her heart was racing and she was freaking out, but it was funny.

[t3]

Haha. Kitty distress is pitiful and at the same time funny as hell. I 'member a cat we used to have, who had a bad habit of getting between people's feet. Several times I recall him getting stepped on in some manner, which resulted in the most high-pitched SCREAMING I have ever heard a living creature (human or otherwise) make. I didn't know what the hell it was the first time I heard it. After I realized that the sound had come from the cat, much laughter at his dispense ensued. I am a horrible person.

[banky]

My neighbor's cat used to have so many kinks in its tail cuz it always got stepped on.

[Anne]

My cat does the plastic bag thing constantly, but she doesn't seem to care too much. One of my other cats, who is unfortunately dead now, used to get himself stuck a lot, but he was a very stupid cat, and after a while he forgot he was stuck and just sat there purring like nothing had happened.

Pushkin was not the brightest cookie.